The best wines (and potted plants) in life are free!

Last Thursday, I attended a Christmas do. A bit early, you say?

Well, yes, but I was there as a guest of Lidl to sample their Christmas fare. Drinking their finest wine, cocktails and Irish coffee and eating gourmet food in the luxurious surroundings of Belfast's Shu restaurant. For free.

It's part of my job, you see, to attend these functions, eat fabulous meals, drink as much as I can (only the classy stuff) whilst hobnobbing with the great and not-always-so-good (in fact, often, frankly quite naughty especially one very attractive lady) in the best places. And then, if I can remember anything worthwhile, reporting back to the peasantry. Not really, tipplers. I don't really think of you that way.

Alas, what I have to tell you today is very sobering indeed. At my table were industry experts from the local food and drink industry as well as one of Lidl's local head honchos and also our aforementioned very attractive lady.

An unfortunate consensus emerged that staples such as pasta, rice and potatoes were more likely to rise by about 100% in the first quarter of next year, rather than the estimated 10% rate of inflation. Worse still, wine prices were likely to rise by significantly more than 10% and to continue rising throughout the year. I quickly poured myself another three glasses of their very serviceable, elegant and flavoursome 2021 French Pinot Noir (£5.49 to you) while it was still going free.

Went very nicely with my delicious main course of baked butternut squash, goats cheese, honey roast walnuts and cranberry with sage and red wine vinaigrette. I could have had turkey and ham instead (which the very attractive lady informed me during a spot of footsie was equally tasty) but I felt that if I had it now it might ruin December. "Once a year is enough for Christmas dinner," I told her.

In brighter news, during my superb starter of fat, juicy prawns, tangy Marie Rose sauce and baby gem atop a delightfully spongy and comforting crumpet- all washed down with a lively. limey 2021 Cimarosa South African Chenin Blanc (currently reduced to £3.78)- the symposium declared that dairy products were likely to rise by slightly less than 10%.

Interestingly, Lidl's head honcho divulged that butter was the most shoplifted product from their shelves. And that the light-fingered citizens among us tended to be targeting staples these days rather than luxury items or alcohol as had been the trend before the current cost of living crisis. "Isn't alcohol a staple?" I pondered but let it go, quickly pouring myself another few glasses of the Pinot Noir while it was still going free.

I've never shoplifted butter myself or anything really but I must confess to being racked with guilt having played a very minor role as a penniless student in a preposterous caper which resulted in a potted plant being pilfered from M&S. It all happened a very, very long time ago but it still causes me occasional twinges of remorse. I don't where the plant is now or how much it cost but to assuage my shame and by way of belated apology, I'd like to conclude today by awarding my much sought after and most prestigious Wine of the Week gong to M&S for their fresh, fragrant and fabulously racy 2021 Pavia Pinot Grigio (£10).

This upbeat, complex and gloriously refreshing Italian white has a grassy, herbaceous bouquet and a lively palate full of bright citrus and orchard fruit flavours. One to enjoy with seafood or even a warm, wintry chicken and coriander salad.

Just one more thing, as the great Lieutenant might remark. Over a pair of magnificent desserts - Christmas pudding with raspberry in a gin and thyme custard for her, dark chocolate torte with Irish cream cremaux pour moi, and that was as far as our dalliance went- it was revealed that the prices of luxury items are unlikely to rise at all.

They may even fall very slightly due to reduced demand in straitened times. To paraphrase Marie Antoinette: "Let them eat caviar!". Till next week, tipplers, sante!