Cats always have a get out claws
"HERE, I've been thinking," said Moggin, looking up from the armchair where he was almost lost behind Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, which he had propped up against a sleeping Matilda.
"That sounds ominous," I said, putting down the copy of Motorcycle News I was reading. "What have you been thinking?"
"I've been thinking that religious prophets were probably fairly decent blokes in the beginning. I mean, people like Jesus, Mohammed, Siddhartha and Abraham, although Abraham was probably rightly annoyed when God asked him to kill Isaac, then said: 'Ha ha, only joking, Abe, you can put the axe down now'."
"Aye, I've always had my doubts about that, as has Richard Dawkins, as you'll see if you read on," I said.
"I mean, they probably wanted people to be good to each other and for us all to live happily together, and just thought they'd found a better way of doing that. But then they attracted followers, and once you get a group together, either some people in the group start thinking they've found an even better way of doing things.
"Either that, or the whole group decides that their way of doing things is so much better than another group's way of doing things that they should jolly well persuade the other group to change their ways. So you either get a split, or a holy war."
"Well, not in every group. I know even Buddhist monks in Japan were beating the bejaysus out of each other in the Middle Ages, but these days you don't get Continuity Zen or the Quaker crusades.
"There's a very good Emo Phillips joke about a man walking along a bridge one day when he sees another man about to jump off. He immediately runs over and says: 'Stop! Don't do it!
"Why shouldn't I?" says the other man.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
"Then die, son of Satan!" says the first man, and pushes him off."
"Very good, very good," said Moggin. "So what's the answer?"
"Well, I think it's just to do good with every action of your everyday life, like letting someone on the bus first, or telling someone you meet in a shop that that's a lovely outfit they're wearing. I did that to a woman in Reid’s Shoes in Sandy Row last week, and she said it made her day,” I said.
Sadly, at this point my perambulations were interrupted by Moggin, who looked out through the French windows, exclaimed: “Bloody hell! There’s that pesky cat from next door!” and raced out through the cat flap.
There came from outside the sound of extensive caterwauling, and a minute later, Moggin reappeared looking slightly ruffled but very pleased with himself.
“Sorry, instinct took over,” he said shamefacedly. “Now, where’s me dinner?”
I sighed, thought that doing good to all living creatures would take a bit of time to be extended to cats, and went to the cupboard for a tin of Meaty Treats.
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Weather for Belfast
Tuesday 14 February 2012
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: 6 C to 8 C
Wind Speed: 16 mph
Wind direction: North west
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Temperature: 6 C to 10 C
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