Is self-love a fruitless quest?
TODAY is my birthday and I'm typing this column wearing a pore-refining face mask made with French green clay and a deep penetrating hair conditioner which assures me will re-ignite my colour - hopefully this will enhance my looks, though at the moment I simply resemble Kermit the frog in a turban.
It might help if I actually preformed this beauty ritual once a week but I don't have the inclination with my toddler around, it all takes too much time. My last visit to the beautician was rather off-putting too as I was there for two hours, and that was just for the estimate!
I tend to panic on birthdays; I become aware that time is slipping away and running riot over my face, hence the attempt at beauty restoration. My son has just told me I look "like a stinky green alien" - they're not really the words a birthday girl wants to hear, and according to recent research, the things that are said to us can affect us deeply, even having an influence on our looks.
Nikki Owen, a practitioner of neuro-linguistic programming who is also known as a leading charisma expert (had I known such an expert existed I could have sent a few of my ex-boyfriends for her urgent assistance) claims we can make ourselves look younger just by saying nicer things to ourselves and adopting a happier attitude towards life. She has carried out experiments to back up her claims by talking to apples. I kid you not!
Apples are made up of 60 per cent water which is similar to our human bodies. Ms Owen cut an apple in half. She put one half in a jar labelled 'love' and the other in a jar labelled 'hate'. To the love apple she said only nice things for a week and the hate half she subjected to a barrage of abuse. By the time the week was up the loved-up apple half looked considerably healthier than the abused half; the photo of the abused half showed that it had decayed more than the half treated with affection. This experiment was carried out by lots of women and the results were always the same.
Here's the science bit, apparently it's all down to the molecules in the water crystals which can be affected by our thoughts, words and feelings, this in turn can change the shape of the crystals. Happy crystals make lovely shapes but unhappy crystals form misshapes, hence the rotten appearance of the abused apple and also the appearance of our own unloved-up skins.
So my attempts to hold back time with French green clay and expensive conditioner are futile. I should be having a word with an apple or, as Ms Owen reveals, if we can look at ourselves in the mirror each day and tell ourselves we're wonderful, we can then expect an instant improvement in our faces.
I take off my birthday facial and conditioner then stand looking at myself in the mirror: "You're beautiful," I tell my reflection.
"Thank you, mummy," says my little boy who thinks the world revolves around him, "and you look beautiful, too, you don't look like a stinky, green alien anymore!"
"Thank you, darling," I reply, laughing and getting back to loving myself in the mirror, with the hope that after a few gushy compliments my face will start to fall for my flattery and I'll suddenly morph into a Claudia Schiffer lookalike.
To be honest it's not easy complimenting myself, I feel a tad silly, and it's no wonder as the average woman reportedly has 36 negative thoughts about her body every day, nevertheless, I carry on regardless, waiting for my molecules to transform.
So ladies, why not give the apple test a try and see the evidence for yourselves? Forget the expensive lotions, utter a kind word to a Golden Delicious, hurl abuse at a Granny Smith and note the changes.
Negative thoughts and words about our looks are fruitless so let the love-in begin.
It's time to become the apple of your own eye.
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Weather for Belfast
Tuesday 14 February 2012
Today
Cloudy
Temperature: 6 C to 9 C
Wind Speed: 17 mph
Wind direction: North west
Tomorrow
Cloudy
Temperature: 5 C to 10 C
Wind Speed: 17 mph
Wind direction: North west
