Depression, me and you, by Ruby
Ruby Wax
Comedian Ruby Wax reveals to NL WOMAN what keeps her happy as she launches a new website to aid depression sufferers
RUBY Wax recently launched a new social networking site for adults with mental illnesses, Black Dog Tribe.
The actress and comedienne, probably best known for her 1996 BBC series Ruby Wax Meets..., where she interviewed celebrities including Imelda Marcos, the Duchess of York and Madonna, has suffered from bouts of depression throughout her life.
“When you have it, it’s like being encased in concrete,” she explains.
“I’ve had it since I was a child and the bouts happen about once every five years. Depression doesn’t care if you’re well known or live in a mud hut, it just loves everyone.
“During those periods, it’s as though your personality has vacated the premises. It’s completely different from being sad, it’s very frightening.”
Four-and-a-half years ago she received in-patient treatment after what she describes: “The worst period of my life when I had the tsunami of all depressions - even moving from a chair was too terrifying to imagine.”
But during her recovery, she and singer-songwriter Judith Owen wrote a show called Live From The Priory, which they performed only in private and NHS institutions.
Two years ago, however, Wax agreed, as part of Comic Relief, to be photographed with a caption stating that she suffered from depression.
“That was fine but I didn’t expect it to turn out to be a huge poster campaign in Tube stations! I kept running round trying to throw myself on them to cover them up,” she half-jokes.
“I worried initially that it might affect my being able to work, there’s such a stigma attached to mental illness. And it was a strange way to be ‘outed’ as a depressive but, in a way, it was the making of me.”
Wax, the script editor on Absolutely Fabulous, rose to the challenge of public exposure and she and friend Owen streamlined their witty, informative exploration of depression in Ruby Wax: Losing It, and a successful tour culminated in a West End run.
She acknowledges that she’s used humour throughout her life and often as a defence.
“I’m very lucky to have the ability to be funny. When I was young I was dyslexic and incredibly under-confident and making people laugh was my way of trying to fit in,” she says.
“Nowadays, humour allows me to get across serious points without being accused of whining.
“In the show, sometimes we had people crying as well as laughing, which is a pretty good reaction.”
But it was the audience participation which surprised Wax.
“At the end, we gave people a chance to share their experiences, although I never thought the British, with their characteristic reserve, would be up for that,” she says.
“In fact, the opposite happened, and people came out with extraordinarily intimate details about their lives.
“It was life enhancing because there were so many moving moments. One man from Newcastle said he’d been on anti-depressants for 10 years and didn’t know how to tell his wife, who was sitting right next to him, while a mother spoke of her agony at believing she’d passed on the illness to her child.”
Wax, who grew up in Chicago and came to Britain to pursue an acting career, believes a sense of isolation adds to the suffering of those with mental illness.
“Having other sufferers to confide in would have cut 30 years of suffering out of my life, instead of going from doctor to doctor struggling to find out what was wrong with me,” she says.
“When I got treatment, what was really most healing, for me, besides the drugs, was meeting my own people, my tribe.
“When you meet each other there’s the relief of knowing you’re not alone and that you both feel like the walking dead. It’s such a relief to be with someone who will never say, ‘Perk up’.”
So when she met internet entrepreneur Nina Storm, the idea of the Black Dog Tribe site, getting its name from Winston Churchill’s nickname for his depression, was born.
It’s aimed at those suffering from conditions including depression, panic attacks, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, post-natal depression and attention deficit disorder.
“The aim is for people to be able to find a like-minded sufferer so they can swap experiences, chat, get information and generally feel connected,” she explains.
“Eventually, I’d like people, if they wish, to be able to meet up in person rather than just online and have meetings and a network rather like Alcoholics Anonymous.
“Hopefully then we’ll get a political voice because people with mental illness are discriminated against.
“There are still many industries where if they find out you’ve got depression, your career is effectively over. That’s so wrong.”
Wax, 57, who says she will be on medication for life to combat her illness, lives in London with her husband, TV producer Ed Bye, and their three children, Max, 22, Maddie, 20, and Marina, 17.
“My kids are really proud of what I do. They didn’t really realise until they were much older that I had any problem because my husband would step in when I got one of my bouts. What is a wonderful relief is that none of them have this problem,” she says.
Five years ago she gained a postgraduate diploma in psychotherapy and counselling and is now halfway through a master’s degree in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy at Oxford University.
“Yes, it’s a long way from those days of interviewing celebrities but I think it’s age appropriate. I had around 20 years in TV which was good going.
“Anyway, you can’t carry on doing that sort of thing forever, because it’s only interesting for a while and then they’re looking for the next new face to do it,” she says.
“I love studying. All my classmates are intellectuals and doctors - and then there’s me. But I was so thrilled recently when I got a letter from a neuroscientist who was impressed and mystified that I could make science funny.
“Of course, I can’t understand all the details because I’m not that kind of smart, but I can kind of translate into ordinary speech what they’re getting at. That’s my skill, taking inaccessible information and make it clear.”
She may use her dissertation for the master’s as the basis for a new show, and is also busy writing a book.
“I just keep plugging away, studying, performing, and engaging in things I’m interested in, which keeps my whole brain exercised. Because I’m studying mindfulness, I also have to practise it.
“I do meditate in a kind of a way, but not to a higher presence. I just sit there following my breathing, which helps to get my heart beat and cortisol levels down and is calming and peaceful, which is good for me.
“We all think everybody else has their life right, and we’re the only ones without the instruction manual. But secretly most of us are all trying to work it out and some of us just need a little more help than others at certain times.”
:: INFORMATION: Visit www.blackdogtribebeta.com, the social networking website for adults with mental illnesses
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Friday 25 May 2012
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