A MAN who left a gay lifestyle behind and married a woman has paid tribute to the contribution of counselling by Dr Paul Miller.
Northern Ireland psychiatrist Dr Miller, an advisor to the DUP's Iris Robinson, has been variously slammed and praised across the airwaves in recent days after the Strangford MP praised his work in helping people who have unwanted same-sex attraction.
PraiseForty-year-old James Parker, who lives in London, praised the work of Dr Miller and said he thought everyone who wishes to avail of his services should have the freedom to do so.
"I have had several sessions with Dr Miller in my journey," said Mr Parker. "I came out as a young gay man at 17 in London without any hostility from anyone and was very active in the gay lifestyle.
"Later on I met my dream partner and seemed to settle down. However, I began to realise that this man and I were looking for something in each other that neither of us could provide: to be affirmed in our own gender as men.
"My friendships and life were 100 per cent in the gay community, but while at university I became fascinated with another young man who took a genuine interest in me as a person.
Accept"He was able to hold my gaze and my eyes, to smile and put his arm around me. I was drawn towards him and his friends. It was the first time I had been accepted very much as a gay man.
"I learnt it was possible to have friendships which were non-sexual. It turned out this group were Christians with a deep spirituality.
"They were scratching the very place I itched most; I never felt I took my place in the world deeply and strongly as a man - I was deeply frightened by other men doing masculine things.
"I saw this new community which was centred around other people and I noticed the community I was in was narcissistic and self-centred in comparison. I began to question my identity - was it simply my sexual orientation?
Trauma"Through therapy I began to deal with some traumatic incidents in my past where I had been raped and sexually abused. I had found sexual abuse gave me human attention but in a perverted sort of way.
"Also, I never had a concrete relationship with my father so my mother became my place of comfort.
"I have found there are a whole range of factors that in some way stop a man becoming masculine. If they aren't dealt with by puberty these needs are suddenly eroticised.
"Straight people often say 'gay people must be born that way' because they can't understand it. But when I probe them more closely such people have always had healthy relationships with a significant male role model as they grew up."
AffirmationHe says the counselling Dr Miller offers is mainly affirming gender and healing deeper hurts in life. "Orientation is only a very secondary side issue for those who wish to explore it," said James.
As his journey continued, he began to cut his connections with the gay community and committed himself to male and female friends who knew he was still struggling with same-sex attraction.
"Both men and women, they continually affirmed me as a man," he said.
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'Homosexuals can change, but only if they want to'YOUR VIEWS: Can counselling change homosexuals?The full article contains 587 words and appears in News Letter newspaper.
