Mum finds strength in kids after partner's sudden death

Graeme Kilpatrick’s death was sudden and unexpected and has devastated his young family in ways that have yet to be realised.

His partner of four years, Janice Maxwell, revealed how she has fought back the tears to make sure their children – Faith and Josh – remain sheltered from the tragedy.

Graeme, a Northern Ireland fan and former ice hockey player with the Belfast Bruins, died aged 32 on May 5, 2015 from an inherited condition known as Brugada.

His partner Janice, now 35, told of the days leading up to the tragedy.

She said: “We’d bought a caravan in Cloughey and from January to May we’d been doing it up in freezing cold temperatures. We were really looking forward to a beautiful family summer holiday in our new caravan.

“We’d celebrated Josh’s first birthday on May 2. We were going to go to the caravan that weekend. Graeme died three days later.”

Janice explained: “The night he died Graeme had said he felt a bit unwell, a bit flu-ish, but it wasn’t something that warranted a trip to the hospital. We’d just went to bed as normal.

“At about three in the morning I woke up to hear him snoring. I gave him a nudge to stop him snoring, but he wouldn’t stop. I switched the light on because it didn’t sound right. That’s when I noticed something was definitely wrong. He was in real difficulty.

“We live less than a mile from the Ulster Hospital but in the time it took for the ambulance to get here I knew he was gone.

“I was screaming at him not to leave us. It was like something out of a movie.”

Janice said their kids had slept through the commotion that night, including the arrival of the ambulance crew.

“The children woke up as if nothing had happened which was a saving grace,” she said.

Janice added: “He would have travelled for his job, he was over to London a lot.

“Initially we explained to the children that he was away on a plane. I kept the routine the same for the kids because they were so so young.

“I’m astonished I was able to keep that up. I was a mess behind closed doors.

“Then I felt I needed to tell them ‘daddy had died’. Not that he had gone away or we’d lost him. I felt it was important not to give them false hope.”

Following Graeme’s death the family learned the 32-year-old died from a heart condition called Brugada, classed under Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndromes (SADS).

Janice said: “It is not something that is routinely tested for. Often, the only time it is flagged is when a family member dies from it.

“Our children don’t have it but they are also being closely monitored.”

Janice said her youngest, Josh, now two and a half, has no real memory of his dad because he was so young when he died.

“He would take the lead from his sister,” she said. “If she is talking about her daddy and is sad he’ll be sad too.

“At three, three and a half Faith really started to grasp what had happened.

“Some people think because they’re so young it won’t affect them. Whether instinctual or otherwise she feels the loss of her father. There is something missing in her life.

“You can’t know how someone will react.”

She added: “The kids keep me from tears so often. It’s a blessing having the kids for focus. My maternal instinct is to not let the kids be affected.”

Janice told how running has given her a new lease of life.

“I think I might have had a breakdown after Graeme’s death,” she said.

“It was too much to bear, especially for the first six months.

“The trauma of seeing someone die in front of you and trying to save them and not being able to.”

She spoke of how she found her way out of the darkness: “One of the breakthroughs was when I discovered yoga. It was recommended to me as a good way to focus my mind elsewhere.

“Through yoga I got back into running, and the more I ran the easier it got.

“Then I had the idea to use the running to raise awareness and support charity.

“I want my children to look back and say their mother did something worthwhile.

“It’s sink or swim. It’s the best decision I ever made to go to yoga, start running and then set myself this challenge. It’s given me a purpose.”

Coached by ‘Fear The Turtle’, Janice will take part in a dozen 10K runs throughout the year as well as the Belfast Marathon in aid of CRY (Cardiac Risk in the Young), a charity involved in raising awareness of the developing research into SADS.

She has set up a Justgiving page with a target of £2,500. You can donate here