VIDEO: Brave widow finds the strength 'day by day'
THE widow of Constable Stpehen Carroll says she feels the pain of her loss every day.
A year ago today, the PSNI officer was murdered by dissident republicans.
MICHAEL McGLADE reports...
KATE Carroll had never met Graham Dodds before he knocked on her door late at night on March 9 last year, but she instinctively knew that the police officer was about to shatter her world.
"When I saw the police uniform coming up the path to the front door, I thought it might be Stevie, but when I saw Graham, I just knew..."
In the intervening 12 months, Kate and the chief inspector have become close friends – forever linked by that devastating moment on the doorstep of the Banbridge home she had shared with Stephen for almost 25 years.
Constable Carroll became the first member of the PSNI to be killed by republicans when he was gunned down after responding to a call from a woman in Craigavon.
His murder, which was later claimed by the Continuity IRA, came less than 48 hours after the Real IRA shot and killed two soldiers at Massereene Barracks in Antrim.
Three males – aged 17, 21 and 37 – have been charged in connection with the murder of the Catholic police officer and a further 14 arrests made as part of the ongoing investigation.
Sitting in the conservatory overlooking the picture-perfect garden which Stephen had started to landscape – and which was caringly completed by his fellow officers – Kate said she feels no anger towards the killers of her husband.
"I don't feel any anger or outrage at those who did this – to be honest I don't think about them, I prefer to think about Steve and how he was. He died doing the job the loved."
The murder proved to be something of a watershed for mainstream republicans, with the Deputy First Minister, Martin McGuinness denouncing his killers as "traitors".
"I couldn't believe the effect Stephen's death would have," said Kate.
"Martin McGuinness was here in this house – he was a very nice man and his sympathy was sincere. I think his response showed that there really is no going back, and in a way Stephen's murder only increased the support for the police."
Despite being named as the BT Woman of the Year in recognition of her strength and courage in speaking about the death of Stephen, Kate – who was visited last week by PSNI Chief Constable Matt Baggott – says "it's all a front".
"Everyone I speak to says I am so brave, but really it's all a big front. Inside, the pain of losing Stephen is there every day, but I want people to know about Stephen as a person and what he meant to me," she said.
"I am a really good actress, I suppose, but there are times when I just break down, like when I played the song about Stephen for the Chief Constable.
"I found out that Mr Baggott was born in Ilford, the same part of England where Stephen was born.
"I found Mr Baggott very down to earth, genuine and a really warm person, and his visit has meant a lot to me coming up to the anniversary."
She still uses her husband's mobile phone, with his upbeat voice still greeting callers on the voicemail.
"Hearing his voice helps me. I don’t care what some people think about that – it is my way of dealing with the grief I suppose,” she said.
Kate revealed that she broke down in tears when she heard Constable Peadar Heffron had regained consciousness.
The PSNI officer, 33, was critically injured by a dissident republican car bomb in January near his Randalstown home and had to have his right leg amputated.
Kate said: “I just knelt down and cried when I heard Peadar had woken up, it was tears of joy. But then I just cried about Stephen and wished that he had been injured, not killed.”
This year was supposed to be a celebratory one for the couple.
The Carrolls were looking forward to their 25th wedding anniversary, Stephen’s 50th birthday, his graduation from Manchester University with a degree in sports science and Kate’s 60th birthday.
Instead, Kate is just hoping to get through today’s anniversary with the “help of her family and friends”.
“We will remember Stephen in our own way, together as a family. That is the way he would have wanted it,” she said.
“This year was going to be the start of a new life for us. We had so much planned, but we will find the strength to get through each of these days as they come along.”
Kate also revealed that Stephen had discussed his own funeral arrangements after the murder of Sappers Patrick Azimkar and Mark Quinsey at Massereene.
“We had been sitting having a quiet drink when we heard the news about the two soldiers. We were both shocked, and Steve said he hoped it wasn’t ‘starting up again’,” she said.
“We were listening to The Priests, and Steve picked a song which he wanted to be played at his funeral. Never did I think that two days later he would be dead.”
See Morning View, page 14
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Weather for Belfast
Tuesday 29 May 2012
Today
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Temperature: 12 C to 21 C
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