It’s Mother’s Day this Sunday, I no longer have a mum but if there was one thing I could say to her this Mother’s Day it would be, ‘I’m sorry!’
I get it now you see, now that I’m a mother myself, I understand how she felt about me. I realise that everything she did was for my benefit.
I’d like to say sorry for all those times I ignored her, or gave her lots of attitude, when she was just trying to do the best for me.
The horrible, hormonal, sulky, rudeness I showed towards her at times, must have been like a dagger through her heart.
I wish I could take it all back. She had already reared three children before me, so I suppose she was an expert on teenage moods but even so, I’m sorry that I hurt her.
I had no idea what it was like to be a mother, now I realise that it is very much like having your heart walking around outside your body for the rest of your life. My child is on my mind all day. My entire life revolves around his.
I have a huge calendar in my kitchen and two noticeboards on my fridge which detail his school timetable and hectic social life.
As he nears the age of 11, I am suddenly struck with moments of intense sadness as I realise that he is growing up fast.
This year is proving a shock to the system, as it dawns on me that he will be sitting his transfer test in several months and that next year he will be in ‘big school’.
The baby and toddler years seem to have rushed past.
He is striding towards the dreaded teenage years and I’m standing clutching his baby curls in an envelope wondering where the time went.
My mother never knew of my son, she died five months before my wedding and seventeen months before my son was born. She would have adored him!
Sometimes I can overwhelmingly sense her presence, which is nice.
I like to think she can see her grandson and all his little achievements, he looks like her.
I wonder too if she notices the things I do for him that were learned from her, like warming his clothes on the radiator before he puts them on.
I remember how my mother always made me feel better when I was ill, just by placing her cool hand on my forehead and smelling her scent.
She always smelt of fresh air, like she’d been walking in the mountains. The aroma of fresh washing just taken off the line always reminds me of the smell of my mother.
Nothing a mother does for her child is ever small. Their gestures stay with us always.
If you’re a mother struggling to cope with a moody teen and you’re feeling unloved and unappreciated, no doubt the little things you do for them will in adulthood, be ingrained in their hearts.
They will remember and share with their children ‘my mother used to…’ stories with a smile.
No matter what their child does or becomes, a mother loves and protects.
She’s the one person in the world who will accept you warts and all.
Only with maturity and becoming a parent yourself, can you really appreciate a mother’s love.
This Mother’s Day will be a difficult one for me as it falls on the anniversary of my mother’s death.
It will be filled with bittersweet memories.
People complain about the commercialism of Mother’s Day, but I think it only right that there is a Mother’s Day.
It’s one day out of the year to spoil her and thank her for the lifetime she has already given you.
It’s a time to write in a card what you may never express to her face.
A chance to say important things to the woman whose life has created yours. I might sound like a clichéd greeting card (I did write verses for greeting card companies for 15 years!) but you don’t really appreciate your mother until she is no longer there.
You then understand those little things she did for you really did mean a lot.
No one will ever love you or have your best interests at heart the way she does. To all mums out there, remember you’re special, to the world you might just be one person, but to one person you might just be the world!