Ladies, great news, I have found a cure for the dreaded turkey neck!
You know that horrible sagging, crepey skin beneath your chin that seemed to have mysteriously appeared out of the blue one morning?
Well say bye-bye to it. I have completely banished mine. What once was a sagging, wizen little wattle is now as smooth as the proverbial baby’s bottie.
I can guarantee yours will disappear too if you follow my diet closely. Make sure you have the following ingredients close to hand; crisps, chocolate, cupcakes and chips.
You will have to graze on them continuously so be prepared. I can happily say that after following this strict regime for almost a year now I have smoothed out the neck problem that was frankly, causing me quite a bit of distress when I looked in the mirror.
The wattle appeared when I became extremely ill last year with what doctors suspected may have been a form of cancer.
As I underwent a barrage of tests and practically worried myself to death, my unshakeable friendship with food began to diminish. I lost 17 pounds in six weeks. I felt as light as a feather on my walk to and from my son’s school each day.
It was wonderful to fit into proper, non-elasticated waist jeans but whilst my lower half was looking perkier my face looked positively gaunt. My neck became so elongated I could have body-doubled for E.T.!
Whereas, before I was always unhappy with my body but didn’t really mind my face, now my face was practically unrecognisable and I hated it! The saggy-faced woman in the mirror was a stranger to me.
Happily, after many GP and hospital appointments and ending up in A&E with crippling tummy pains, it was found that I had a bacterial infection in the lining of my stomach. Thankfully cancer fears were quashed and with the right treatment I soon felt good again, apart from when I looked in the mirror and saw one of Bernard Matthews’ finest staring back at me. It wasn’t a ‘bootiful’ sight!
Revelling in good health again I went back to my old diet of plenty of carbs and fat and hey presto, wattle-neck was no more, soon balloon face was reinstated and I was rather happy to see her.
It’s true what they say, when you get to 40 you have to choose between your figure or your face. At this time of life losing weight will age you because skin no longer has the same elasticity it had when younger to snap back into place again.
Experts advise dieters should take a supplement like fish oil or flax oil as the essential fatty acids they contain may help with the skin’s elasticity, as can drinking plenty of water. Exfoliating the skin daily is also advised as this encourages elasticity and circulation in your skin, helping it to tighten up.
TV presenter Fern Britton lost a lot of weight approaching middle age but her face no longer has that youthful glow it had when she was heavier. The figure/face dilemma is not just exclusive to women.
When Ricky Gervais and Lord Nigel Lawson dropped stones the public were shocked by how gaunt and frankly, ill, they both looked. So do I get rid of the weight and have a fab figure sacrificing my face, or do I save the visage whilst giving Kim Kardashian a run for her money in the booty department?
This is a dilemma that actress Candice Bergen opened up about this week to the press; she has happily made her choice and settled for her face.
Candice announced: ‘I’m fat! In the past 15 years I have put on 30 pounds. I live to eat. None of this ‘eat to live stuff for me’ she confessed.
She denounced dieting and admitted she fully embraces carbs. (I love this woman!) Candice, who’s a former fashion model, said she had no desire to live like her skinny friends who maintain their weight by regularly vomiting after meals.
In saying this Ms Bergen isn’t exactly of Michelin Man proportions. She’s still gorgeous at 68 and looks to be of a healthy weight with a nicely padded out face. She is happy with her looks and life because she doesn’t spend each day in abject depravation.
We don’t have to become obese, but once over a certain age we need to keep the face a little inflated to stop us looking agedly haggard. It makes sense, after all, there are no wrinkles on a balloon!