23 hilarious things you'll only ever see or hear at a Northern Ireland wedding
We may not have the language of love but we Northern Ireland people are not just world class romancers but we sure know how to put on a good wedding reception.
By Andrew Quinn
Thursday, 23rd May 2019, 6:55 pm
Sign up to our daily newsletter
Northern Ireland weddings are an experience like no other.
Here are 23 things you will only ever see or hear at a Northern Ireland wedding.
It's 10:43p.m. at a Northern Ireland wedding and women of all ages can be seen rummaging around their handbags for yes, you've guessed it, a pair of flip-flops in which they will dance the night away.
N.I. is a small country with a finite number of routes on which motorists can travel but still wedding guests will obsess over and often quiz one another on which way they came to a wedding reception.
It's not a true Northern Ireland wedding unless you spot someone who, five minutes previous, you would have sworn blind was dead.
Sign up to our daily newsletter
The bride and groom have spent years perfecting the menu for the big day but regardless of what magical cuisine is on offer many wedding guests will demand red sauce before they munch.
The only way some Northern Ireland wedding guests could be less discreet about bringing their own alcohol to a wedding reception would be if they went behind the bar with their contraband booze and pour it there and then.
Be honest, how many Northern Ireland weddings have you been to when you sprinted like Usain Bolt from your table to take a photograph you will never look at of a couple you barely know?
The uncle you don't know who is married to that aunt you don't like will invoke some sort of ancient spell and manage to sneak away from everyone else to enjoy a quiet drink on his own in the residents' bar.
Only ever used by Northern Ireland people at Northern Ireland weddings. The type of guest who indulges in this sort of behaviour is a little more discreet that the people who leave empty vodka bottles for everyone to see!
You could bowls of coarse sea salt in front of guests at a Northern Ireland and some will still, out of habit, season their soup with salt and pepper before tasting said soup first.
Inevitably, there will always be guests at N.I. weddings who do not drink alcohol but there will also be guests who will ask these teetotallers to take a glass of wine and give it to them.
If you've been to a wedding in Northern Ireland you will almost certainly experienced the dilemma that is eating your bread roll before the soup has been served.
A traditional Scottish wedding dance that can be sometimes seen at Derry weddings. The complexities of this body flinging exercise make the Brexit backstop appear straightforward!
Let's face it, N.I. people aren't known for rhythmic flare which makes the site of a grown adult getting up from their seat and dancing towards the dance floor, instead of walking, that bit more puzzling!
Inevitably, you will run into someone you were once very friendly with only to lose touch over the years and after a few glasses of vino you start making plans to meet up for coffee next week only, that never happens!
As a man I genuinely have no idea what's going on here and I daren't ask.
There are always parents who think their child is to dancing what Brian O'Driscoll was to Irish rugby. It stopped being cute about an hour ago - enough already!
Male guests, who have very little in common with one another often retreat to these two topics of conversation when they have exhausted everything else.
You have barely broken breath to that uncle or aunt who left Northern Ireland for the U.S. of A. but they end of the wedding reception you have made plans (you have no intention of keeping) to visit them in America next year.
Van Morrison is a genius and the world is a better place because of his music but there's only so much of this song a human being can take.
You could put dresses on three soda farls, say they are bridesmaids and the best man at a Northern Ireland wedding will still comment on how lovely they all look.
This epitomises Northern Ireland weddings - there's nothing more harrowing than watching grown men with neckties around their heads, playing air-guitar thinking they are Jimi Hendrix - but it's fun to look at!
This phrase seems like it is hardwired into those who have already entered into matrimony. Married people at Northern Ireland weddings take great joy from teasing their single peers with anxious depictions of wedlock.
Nothing says Northern Ireland wedding like a grown man of considerable intellect and integrity dancing with, yes, you have guessed it again, a brush. A brush I tell you! Common at the weddings of farmers in Northern Ireland.