​Wonderful wine to brighten the darkest of souls

Devastating news for me as I know that every great person who has ever lived has one. It's what makes them great. Our most brilliant writers and artists depict the less salubrious aspects of human nature. The most successful sportspeople, revolutionaries, dictators and even business leaders can naturally tap into that single-minded, ruthless instinct which demands victory or success and to Hell the cost. Why, even Our Lord himself displayed the odd hint of darkness such as when, in a fit of divine temper, he drove the money-lenders from the temple- fair play to Him! And don't even get me started on bankers and politicians. They all have it. But, alas, not little old me.

I discovered the dreadful news after my darling wife, the enigmatic Madame G., badgered me into doing an online personality test. Her dark side, according to the test, was that she was both devious and unscrupulous- I had always taken these to be fancy words for female so I wasn't exactly shocked. Just goes to show how wrong you can be. On my turn, Madame showed little interest in my good qualities which included honesty, loyalty and integrity. No, she just wanted me to hit the button where it would reveal my dark side. Imagine her shock when that button revealed that she was married to a man who didn't have one. An open book, I told her, no side-doors on me. What a crushing disappointment! "You'll be writing a wine column for a small provincial paper forever but you'll never be a Joyce or a Dostoevsky!" she scoffed. Alas, it's true.

Still, I'm nothing if not a happy fool who is more than pleased to serve his small provincial- nothing wrong with that when the province is Ulster- readership. Upon which bright note, dear tipplers, today's Wine of the Week will naturally be a light and bright white rather than a dark and decadent red. Today's first recommendation is the lively, zesty and easy-drinking 2022 M&S Classics No.4 Pinot Grigio (£8). This unoaked Italian drop is brimful of juicy peach and refreshing lime flavours alongside grassy, herbaceous aromatics. My dark Madame and I enjoyed ours with prawns, oyster mushrooms and peppers in a mildly spiced miso, garlic and ginger sauce, made by me.

Remember the TV series Dexter where the hero was a psychopath who used his position as a forensic expert working for the police to gain access to evil individuals whom he then murdered? Otherwise, they would have escaped justice. Arguably, he was performing a public service. No? Great show, check it out. Anyway, at one point, a professor argued that the world needed psychopaths like the bould Dexter. I've never really understood why but then again, I don't have a dark side. So I'm obviously a little bit thick. Probably best that I just stick to reviewing wines.

For all you psychopaths out there, here's a nice Chianti to enjoy with your liver and fava beans. Or maybe a dark chocolate truffle as you lounge on your couch, plotting, scheming and watching the latest Scandi noir. The robust, rustic and opulent 2020 Chianti Reserva (£5.99, Lidl) boasts a wonderfully expressive bouquet packed with damsons, cherries and spices which mingle most pleasingly on its complex palate before hints of black pepper and dark bitter chocolate enrich its magnificently lengthy finish.

Of course, most of you will neither be perfect like myself or, Heaven forfend, deranged psychotics like Dexter and my beloved Madame G. Generally, folk are a little bit in between. A good Pinot Noir should therefore fit the bill. It combines all the lightness in body of a refreshing white with the deliciously dark character of a sumptuous red. And it can even benefit from being served slightly chilled, should the sunshine deign to return to our benighted shores. Today's final recommendation is therefore the smooth, tangy and exuberantly juicy 2021 Palataia Pinot Noir (£8.50). From Germany (who better to blur the lines between light and dark?), this elegant, crisp and complex red combines juicy red berry and cherry flavours with deft spicing- lovely hints of clove and cinnamon. It will go wonderfully well with pork, poultry, even grilled white fish or squid.

I hate to leave you, tipplers, but others may also need the very boring but blessed light which is my burden to spread. There are many souls to be saved out there. And, most urgently, in here at my very own lovely home, Rose Cottage, where my Madame's silence indicates that she must surely be up to some divilment. Wish me luck and be good. Or bad. Or, best of all, somewhere in between. Till next week, tipplers, sante!