​Serving up strawberries, cream and wine

It's also worth pointing out, in the interests of political correctness and so as to be sure of offending everyone equally, that men are stupid. The reason the women get so crazy is that the men stubbornly insist on being stupid. This is very obviously true for most of the year but for two very special weeks of the year there is an even simpler explanation. Anyone for tennis?

My beloved wife, the formidable Madame G. is currently a victim of this seasonal insanity. So much so that she seems to have surrendered and to have given herself over entirely to the irresistible madness. Every time she walks into our lovely home, Rose Cottage, after checking on how Djokovic is doing, she notices that the old place is not quite so lovely anymore. Unwashed dishes and unwatered plants. The dog, the cat and our infant child, Gregory, all waiingt patiently to be fed. And a husband who appears to be both stone deaf and utterly oblivious to the presence of other sentient beings. He has managed to develop that uniquely feckless stupidity that inevitably occurs when one sits for hours on end before a small screen watching a tiny ball going back and forth, all the while becoming emotionally entangled with the fortunes of a handful of extremely wealthy, famous strangers. Come on, Andy, you can do it! Until he can't.

This evening (Sunday), as I write, SW19 is awash with such strangers, all dreaming of yet more triumph in their infuriatingly successful lives. Why can't it happen to me? If they were playing in Paris and he was fit and well, I have no doubt that Nadal, the indomitable Spanish warrior, would reign supreme. I like to imagine Rafa toasting his success with a glass or three of the the sumptuously smooth, decadently opulent and subtly spiced 2021 Beronia Tempranillo Crianza Rioja (currently reduced to £8 from £12, Sainsbury's). This graceful, savoury Spanish red is full of muscular black fruit and cherry flavours which are nicely balanced by gentle tannins before an oaky, peppery finish. An excellently priced match for your Sunday roast of beef or lamb. Alas, my esteemed clay court wizard, we're not in Paris and you're injured so we can't even offer BFH for you, Rafa.

Roger Federer, the quintessential Swiss gentleman, genius and artist, has made it to SW19, albeit without his racquets, preferring to swan about with the great and good instead this year. He will no doubt be merrily quaffing down something as elegant, complex and graceful as his tennis. Step forward today's Wine of the Week, the smoky, supple and nicely balanced 2021 Montepulciano d'Abruzzo (£8, M&S). Black cherry and plum flavours dominate an exuberantly juicy palate before a lingering finish with hints of dried fruit, pepper and toasted hazelnuts in this versatile, delicately spiced Italian red. I recommend that Roger enjoys his with grilled lamb chops and sauteed potatoes. I suspect the Swiss maestro would like to leave the champagne for younger talents like Spanish wonderkid, Carlos Alcaraz, rather than his old nemesis, Djokovic, who is busy breaking all the magnificent Federer records which we once assumed were unsurpassable..

Yes, the famous trophy and a cheque for £2,350,000 seem to be at at the mercy of Novak "The Joker" Djokovic who will probably want to celebrate with a bottle or two of something zesty, lively and light. A plump, dry and citrussy white such as the fresh, fragrant and fabulously fruity 2022 Pinot Gris Gisborne (£7.99, Lidl) may be the one to, ahem, serve up. This delicately spiced, full-bodied Kiwi white has a vibrantly aromatic bouquet and a rich, complex palate full of peach and apricot flavours alongside backnotes of white blossom. One for grilled hake in a beurre noisette sauce with seasonal vegetables and champ.

As for poor Andy, he's unlikely to be able to stretch to a bottle of wine to drown his sorrows tonight. You see, he only got paid £85,000 for making the second round. Sure, you couldn't even buy a house for that! He'll have to settle for strawberries and cream to soothe his sorrows. It's certainly tough at the top, isn't it? Till next week, tipplers, sante!