'˜Moment I realised my wife of 50 years had dementia'

Brian Tohill, from Magherafelt, said it first became clear during the holiday in April 2010 when his wife Mary became distressed and confused about where they were.

Mary was 72 when she was diagnosed with dementia and she passed away nearly three years later.

Brian said: “The second or third morning of the holiday Mary came into the living room really distressed.

“She didn’t understand why we were here or how we got here.

“I suppose I should have seen the early signs and realised; she had stopped shopping, stopped driving and she always was an early riser but she started to sleep a lot more.

“I went to the GP with my concerns and he told me to bring Mary in to see him. He referred her to the memory clinic and the first question that was asked was what day is this and Mary turned to me to ask because she didn’t know.”

Mr Tohill said he kept his wife at home for the first two years after she was diagnosed.

“Unfortunately we lived in a house with stairs, but social services were a great help and helped me set up a room for her downstairs,” he said. “They even provided a hospital bed for Mary at home.

“Dehydration became a big problem for Mary because she would forget to drink or would refuse drinks I offered her, so she spent some time in and out of hospital.

“I was waiting on knee surgery and on one of Mary’s stays in hospital the doctor noticed me limping and said he thought the strain of being her carer was too much for me with my knee problems and would recommend Mary go into a nursing home.

“Mary went to stay at Magherafelt Manor and received excellent care. My son and I would take her out on day trips.”

Brian said Mary’s physical condition “seemed to deteriorate much quicker than her mental condition”.

“If she had lived one more month we would have been married 53 years,” he added.

Next month on September 17 Brian is taking part in a Belfast Memory Walk in the Stormont estate in memory of his wife.

He said: “I am taking part in Belfast Memory Walk in memory of my wife but also to raise money to help other people with dementia. In the nursing home Mary was in there were other people, who I actually knew, with dementia – and they are still there. I want to raise money to help as much as I can.”

To find out more about the Belfast Memory Walk visit www.memorywalk.org.uk

Registration needs to be done online ahead of the walk.

Memory Walk is the Alzheimer’s Society’s flagship fundraising event, and walks are taking place across England, Wales and Northern Ireland in September and October.