back to school syndrome and a lifetime of worry

Like many parents, I have mixed feelings about the return to school.

Part of me dreads being back in the rigid routine of school runs, uniform laundering and homework supervision. Another part of me looks forward to a bit of time to myself, though things are a little different this year. I feel a pressure pushing down on my heart and an odd feeling of sadness that nothing I do seems to alleviate.

Even my trusty old Malteser mood elevators are proving useless. I suspect I know what this strange melancholy feeling may be, it’s the realisation that my son is really starting to grow up. Junior turned 10 years old a few days ago and he seemed to change overnight. He looks and sounds different. He’s more lad-like and less boyish.

Of course as a parent you’re always aware that they’re changing, but this year the return to school feels peculiar. It’s his penultimate year at primary school. Soon he will be having to choose and apply for the ‘big school’ and the thought of it makes me uneasy. The world is beckoning, and there’s a part of me wants to wrap him up in cotton wool and keep him my child forever, no matter how ridiculous I know that sounds.

I’m not alone in these uncomfortable feelings which have been dubbed as ‘back to school syndrome’. According to a survey by Kleenex, two thirds of parents admitted they suffer a combination of fear, doubt and sorrow at the prospect of their child beginning a new school year. As for the children, 56 per cent aged between six and 16, were happy and excited at the prospect of returning to school.

The biggest reason behind their eagerness was the thought of seeing their friends again after the long, summer break.

Psychologists claim the reason why parents feel apprehensive and kids feel excited is all down to the difference in how children and adults think. Adults are concerned about the future, we worry about things that haven’t even happened and possibly may never happen. We tend to bind our feelings to our child’s assuming they might feel the same. We want to solve every problem for them. Whereas, children are more concerned with the present and don’t think too far ahead. I have little memory of my time at primary school, they were not particularly happy years. I was agonisingly shy. I wasn’t keen on the company of other children and always carried a book which I read avidly under the desk. This led to me often frequenting corridors, as the teacher would make me stand outside the classroom for not paying attention.

Disastrously, in P6 I developed a large boil on my backside, this thing defied medical science, it was enormous and lasted for weeks! So sore was I, that my mother sent me into school with a red velvet cushion, complete with gold fringing to help me get through the day on the hard, wooden, splinter-invested seats. Needless to say, I was teased mercilessly and the class bum-nipper, a blonde boy with glasses, who enjoyed coming up behind girls and nipping their backsides before running off, targeted me on a daily basis. Ah yes, it was hours of endless fun! For some parents who perhaps have unhappy memories of school, we need to be careful. We must be aware not to project our less than happy memories onto our children. They are starting school without a past and will go on to make their own little history, not continue ours. Happily, my son is nothing like how I was as a child. He is extremely outgoing, gregarious and boil free. School is a place of enjoyment for him and he’s looking forward to returning. No doubt after the first day I’ll get back into the swing of things, but I’ll continue to worry about his future and his health and anything else I can find to worry about regarding him, because it appears when you choose to become a parent you choose a life of worry. To quote author Elizabeth Stone: “Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”