Meet the NI woman helping others build better relationships

“Success in any aspect of your life is based on effective relationships, whether that is at home, in the office, among your friends or even with yourself,” said Lisa McFarland.

Northern Ireland’s leading relationship coach is on a one-woman mission to educate people on how to improve their relationships from the inside out.

“They (relationships) are always changing and shifting and therefore difficult to navigate and manage. Relationships are complex, yet we are always expected to know what to do without any advice or support. Through coaching, I want to help people take control of their lives and get the best out of their interactions with others.”

A former HR consultant from Antrim, 49-year-old Lisa is basing her in-demand advice on passion, training and lived experience. After experiencing personal and professional challenges, she sought a new way to get through a work-related challenge she faced with her business partner, who was also her husband, with a relationship coach.

It was a moment of epiphany for her that changed the course of her life.

“We went a total of three times to see the relationship coach, and I was blown away by all the information and wondered how on earth we didn’t know this stuff. I was more certain than anything in my life that I wanted a career in this area. I made it my mission to learn everything I could about relationship coaching. I did courses, listened to podcasts, webinars and educated myself through the knowledge of global experts. It felt like my mission to tell everyone about what I had found out.”

Empowered by her knowledge and feeling confident in the results due to her own relationship coaching experience, Lisa pivoted her life in a completely different direction and started classes in her local area.

And what she thought would be just a side-line has very much become a full-time passion and is capturing the attention of some major players in the business, wellbeing and mentorship world.

“I started to run workshops, courses and events in my local area. The interest was phenomenal. People from all ages, all walks of life, and challenges came along and opened up about their deepest feelings and struggles. They were hungry to learn more about building better relationships. So, I started to build my new business.”

Starting small in March 2020 with an Instagram account under Relationship Coaching NI and a website at www.justathought.co.uk, Lisa’s popularity grew phenomenally quickly thanks to her passion and engaging, accessible style

“I had people join from all over the world. Northern Ireland, ROI, Scotland and even as far as Australia and Canada. My Instagram page grew and grew, and I have now well over 14,000 followers from all over the world.”

Lisa now hosts regular webinars, speaks on podcasts and her expert opinion is sought for media interviews. She is also an in-demand speaker for events and has recently recorded a Ted Talk. In response to her followers’ demand for knowledge and guidance, she is also currently writing her first E-Book.

But it’s not just interpersonal relationships that need a bit of work as many points of conflict happen in the workplace. New trends indicate forward-thinking companies are implementing solutions before any crisis arises.

Lisa said: “A new market is fast emerging in the corporate world. I am regularly being brought in to help improve workplace relationships, conflict resolution and productivity. Innovative companies like Apple understand that human relationships are at the core of every business. They are leading the way in this area by providing relationship coaching into their corporate training programs.”

So, whether you want a much-improved relationship with your significant other or feel your corporate interactions could be more productive, Lisa is here to guide, empower and inspire.

“I want to help share my knowledge with the world and believe as we emerge from a post-pandemic world, we almost all need to relearn how to manage all of our relationships,” she concludes.

Lisa shares her top five things we can all do in our own relationships to improve them:

Learn your love language

“The Love Language is a free online test created by a well-respected marriage counsellor, Gary Chapman. Set aside an evening and do it together, for fun. It’s an excellent tool to start the conversation between couples and teach you how to be seen and heard in a relationship.”

Healthy Conflict Style

“Once a couple has been together for a while, you can pretty much guarantee how the other person will respond in any conflict. When I coach couples, I always ask them their argument style. You find it often repeats and repeats, and a pattern emerges. These styles are often learned in childhood, and you are simply following a recognised pattern. The good news is that with the support, you can reprogram your response and act appropriately and positively regardless of the conflict you are facing.”

Attachment Styles

“There are three attachment styles, anxious, avoidant, and secure. There’s also a free online tool to help people identify their type, and I also recommend the book Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? By Dr Amir Levine. Once you understand your style, you can recognise and control it and find a place of safety for both parties.”

Co-Dependency

“Co-dependency means a person’s happiness is totally wrapped up in how another person feels. That is not an emotionally healthy state. We should be in relationships where we are emotionally supportive of each other without being co-dependent. Know our own greatness and worth. Bring that inner confidence and strength as a great foundation to build a relationship. Mutually support each other from a place of wholeness.”

Validation

WValidation is knowing you are being seen and heard and that your thoughts, feelings, and opinions really matter. There are many people who don’t need as much validation, and there are many who need more validation. And it’s about working on your relationship where you both feel validated, celebrated, and special. It’s one of our fundamental, basic childhood needs, and if we aren’t getting it in our relationship, we will look in other places to find it. This could explain why, sometimes, people look outside of their marriage and relationship to find these things because they are not being fulfilled at home.”

Lisa’s final tip is that you need to take time and invest in your relationships if you want them to be productive and positive. There are many strategies to help you understand who you really are and why you act in specific ways. There are also tried and tested skills to help you make the most of your relationships.

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