Blast from the past: Getting a part in the school nativity play

Sadly, he was overlooked for the prime role, and instead was selected to play a hedge! The lowest of low roles. He still smarts from the memory.

There’s a not-so-subtle hierarchy when it comes to casting the nativity. The much coveted role of Mary tended to go to the teacher’s pet. There was nothing either good nor joyful about the tidings from the other aspiring Marys as she’d waft smugly around the stage in her mother’s repurposed blue evening dress like Joan Collins, clutching a Tiny Tears doll.

The non-angelic Marys were appeased by being cast as angels, with Blue Peter-inspired halos made from coat hangers, tinsel and double-sided sticky tape (which could never be found in Northern Ireland).

Being one of the three kings was quite a plum role. Wearing tinfoil crowns, the trio’s main job was to point fingers heavenwards, announcing, (never in unison): “Lo! A star in the East!” A shepherd was good, and the costume was easy – an old tea towel, Clarks sandals, and a beard stuck on with Copydex. On the sliding scale of roles, next came the donkey and the sheep. But a hedge? That’s just not Christian!