Stopping by woods for wine on a Hallowe’en evening

On a cold dark Hallowe'en night, Raymond Gleug, a travelling salesman, selling pots, drove through a drearsome land.

His poor, old horse became tired and hungry and so they stopped beside some woods. Raymond allowed his horse to graze and rested himself on a patch of grass.

Whose woods they were he thought he might know, his house was in the village though... He'll hardly see me, he thought.

For a nightcap Raymond poured himself a glass of today's Wine of the Week, the delightfully smooth, soft and seductive 2020 M&S Fitou (currently £7).

A symphony of intense plum and raspberry flavours was superbly balanced by hints of black cherries and delicate spices which went wonderfully well with his platter of cold beef slices, cheese, bread and ripe tomatoes. Subtle nuances of violets enhanced the bouquet while the impressively lengthy finish was full of complexity in his superbly executed, slow-drinking blend of Grenache, Syrah and Mourvedre. "Just like these woods", Raymond remarked to his equine companion, "it's so lovely, dark and deep".

Once finished, he wrapped himself in a blanket but, alas, he found himself miles and miles away from sleep. "How queer," Raymond's horse suddenly piped up, "to stop without a farmhouse near". Suddenly the ground gave way beneath Raymond and up popped a corpse in a shroud. He had lain down in a graveyard! And the dead had come to life!

The corpse carried the lid of his coffin to a nearby church where he placed it carefully on the ground before dashing off. Being an intrepid sort, Raymond followed him and took ownership of the coffin lid which he brought it back to his cart. He put on the cart radio- they were playing Dire Straits "Why Worry Now?", could be worse he said- and then waited to see what would happen next. The only other sound was the sweep of easy wind and the rustling of paper as he opened up and then downed his Cadbury's flake.

The dead man returned and was bewildered by the missing lid. He traced it to Raymond's cart where he loudly demanded its return or he'd be tearing him to bits.

Raymond pointed to his axe and told the ghost that there was only one person who'd be doing any chopping or tearing things up around here. The ghost, defeated, pleaded for the return of his lid but Raymond wanted to know where he'd been and what he'd done. The ghost confessed to frightening two youngsters in the village to death.

Raymond agreed to return the lid if he could bring the lads back to life. The ghost cut off a section of his shroud, told Raymond to burn it with coals in one of his pots and the smoke would resuscitate the boys. He ran back to his grave but the sun came up as he descended into the earth and part of the coffin lid was left sticking out in the morning air.

Raymond went to the village and quickly found a house in mourning. "Don't cry!" he shouted, "I can bring them back to life!"

The family therein were dreadfully rich. It turned out that they actually owned the woods so they offered him half their fortune to cure their boys. Raymond carried out the ghost's instructions and the boys came back from the dead.

The family was delighted but also annoyed at Raymond for entering their woods without permission. On reflection, they concluded that Raymond was obviously a trickster and was most probably responsible for killing their boys in the first place. They handed him over to the authorities where he was sentenced to death. Raymond's horse gave his harness bells a shake, suggesting that there must be a mistake... Too true. Turned out the owner had seen them and he did mind them hanging out in his woods.

For his last request, Raymond was granted a glass of today's second recommendation, the taut, bone-dry and very elegant 2021 Yalumba Riesling (£8, Sainsbury's). This sophisticated Aussie white has a complex palate with well-judged minerality alongside hints of citrus and floral notes before a lengthy, satisfying finish. An ideal match for simply prepared salmon or trout dishes.

Raymond calmly sipped his wine and helpfully pointed out to the authorities that when the murderous ghost scarpered back to his grave, he had left the coffin lid sticking out.

The villagers investigated, saw the truth and then tore the grave open and drove a stake through the corpse's heart. They rewarded Raymond's bravery by setting him up in a beautiful home, Rose Cottage, on the North Antrim coast with the second half of that disbelieving and despicably ungrateful family's fortune. And it is there that his descendants can be found- drinking Wines of the Week and routinely performing heroic acts- to this very day. Be careful where you fall asleep, tipplers, after one too many on Halloween night. Wouuhhh!!!

Till next week, tipplers, should the good Lord see fit to spare us for the many promises that we must keep,sante!