No more nightmares, just the wine of you dreams

I left my lovely home, Rose Cottage, with only the shirt on my back and a woman's travelling bag.

My crime was unknown to me but it was clear that my darling wife, the enigmatic Madame G., had banished me for good. Whatever I had done it was surely more serious than the oversight for which I recently received a severe lambasting in my inbox from "Disgruntled of Newtownabbey", who writes:

"Dear Raymond, I feel marginalised and excluded by your recent awards for best wines sampled in 2022. You doled out awards for white wine, red wine, even champagne for the toffs but what about those of us who enjoy nothing more than a splash of pink? Where are our awards? Are we second-class citizens? I trust you will correct this at your earliest convenience".

Well, Disgruntled, the inclement January conditions are probably to blame for my failing to feature a drink which I tend to associate with garden parties but since you ask the fresh, fragrant and racy 2022 Conte Priuli Prosecco Rose (£12, M&S) is my idea of 2022's winner. This effervescent splash of pink is packed with citrus and tangy red berry flavours which are expertly complemented by beguiling backnotes suggestive of lemony biscuits.

Anyway, having been thrown out of my home, I decided my best bet was to hole up for a few days with my beloved sister, Matilda. I couldn't arrive empty-handed so I found myself in a peculiar branch of Lidl trying to buy her a nice bottle of Chianti which normally retails at about £6. The stern cashier insisted it now cost £21 despite being on special offer. To her fury, I cancelled my order and looked for cheaper alternatives. Apart from some Blossom Hill at £4.99 everything else was priced above £25. Perhaps an ordinary mortal could appear with a bottle of Blossom Hill but not the great wine connoisseur, Raymond Gleug. Oh, hang on, let's see, there's a bargain bucket. Let's look inside!

Hmmm, there's rose wine - that's great for Disgruntled but won't do for Matilda - ah, here's some bottles of red... but they're half empty.. and they've been re-corked. What will I do? My dilemma is resolved by the beeping of an alarm clock and the awful realisation that it's time to go to work. But at least I'm safely ensconced in Rose Cottage and Madame G. appears to still love me so long as I bring her some coffee.

Had I been in real Lidl rather than dream Lidl, I'd most likely have bought a few bottles of their robust, rustic and rich 2020 Chianti Reserva (£5.99) which boasts an expressive bouquet packed with damsons, cherries and spices while dark, berries mingle on its complex palate before hints of black pepper and dark bitter chocolate enrich its lengthy finish. One to savour with meaty, gamy casseroles or, failing that, a good old-fashioned spag bol should suffice.

An alternative Italian red for all your winter stews is today's Wine of the Week, the smoky, supple and balanced 2019 Rosso Piceno, Tenute Pieralisi (£8.95, the Wine Society, www.thewinesociety.com or 01438-741177). Dark cherry and plum flavours dominate an exuberantly juicy palate before a finish with hints of dried fruit, spice and toasted hazelnuts. This Italian red went well with the baked sausages alongside tomatoes, butterbeans and harissa which I prepared for myself last Tuesday evening while my Madame was out discussing Dante's Inferno at her book club. Yes, sausages and beans for the lonely man.

Just remember, whenever something horrific happens to you in life there's always someone worse off than yourself. While renowned wine connoisseur, Raymond Gleug, was trying unsuccessfully to buy wine in Lidl, the wife who had rejected him was being interviewed for a teaching job by Rishi Sunak and was also failing most miserably.

Thank goodness, we still had each other for consolation when we woke up and that I returned her travelling bag. And we still had plenty of wine in the cellar. Till next week, tipplers, sante!