Jackie McGregor: Teenage kicks: As childhood expires ...drink and debauchery beckon

It seems like yesterday we were starting primary school, and I was writing weekly columns about our antics. Those years seemed to pass in a heartbeat, then our double act ended. Through primary school it had always been him and me, doing the school runs, writing on the fridge all the things ‘we’ had to remember for school for the coming week, arranging play dates. My days revolved around his school life.

When he started grammar school, I felt redundant, while he found his tribe and enjoyed more independence.

Now he’s about to become an adult.

I remember the excitement of standing on the cusp of my 18th birthday, I was going to conquer the world. Unfortunately, my cunning plan was foiled. Due to my mother’s ill health, I became her full-time carer, aged 19, at my father’s request. It was meant to be a short-term arrangement, but her health steadily deteriorated until she developed Alzheimer’s, my father did too. I cared full-time for them both and didn’t leave home until they died, and I was middle-aged. By then I was too tired to conquer the world, but I managed to squeeze in becoming a mum, just as motherhood was calling last orders.

My arrested development taught me how important it is to give children roots and wings. Parenthood is a gradual process of detachment. Metaphorically, we should hold our children in an open hand and not strangle them in a clenched fist. Teenagers must develop trust in themselves and their ability to function independently. They need to make mistakes, learn from the consequences of their actions and be able to find their own solutions to their problems. To prevent a child from finding independence, because you cannot bear to loosen your grip on them, or to cling to them as your emotional crutch, is one of the cruellest things a parent can do to their child, under the guise of, ‘love.’

We are about to sail into unchartered waters. Next week, nothing is illegal for my son. The worries of childhood seemed trivial compared to, no doubt, my sleepless nights ahead as he begins driving, encounters wanton women and heartbreak, can legally drink alcohol and experiences adult predicaments.

As I wrote this, he read over my shoulder and said,

“Calm down mum, I might become an adult next week, but I’ll still be at school!”

“So, you’re an adult, but terms and conditions apply?” I asked.

“I’m loving this life of drink and debauchery you’re imagining for me, but I might just finish my A-levels first!” he smiled.

“Excellent decision son!” I nodded.

As his father and I take a step back and let him find his road to adulthood and independence, I know I’ll never stop worrying about him. My, anxious, protective, heart will journey with ‘adult’ him wherever he roams.

In my opinion, author Elizabeth Stone described parenthood succinctly when she wrote:

“Making the decision to have a child, is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”