Jackie McGregor: The dating apocalypse: women should be obscene and not heard

“Oh, he’s really into a girl, but she’s gone boy sober,” he said.

My brain tried to interpret his meaning, but I’m not yet fully fluent in Gen Z speak.

“Is that the same as demi-pansexual?” I’d overheard a girl calling herself this in the library, whilst perusing the bonkbusters.

I thought it might make me sound down with the kids.

“It’s when a girl takes a deliberate break from dating and situationships. A situationship is a relationship where you don’t have the DTR talk,” he explained.

“The, what?” I asked perplexed.

“DTR stands for ‘define the relationship talk’, the status of the relationship stays undefined, not boyfriend/girlfriend. You get the flow, Joe?” he rhymed.

“Point taken Kevin Bacon,” I shot back.

In my youth, males were my main focus. My friends and I moved around the local watering holes like great herds of Wildebeest in search of mates. How things have changed!

It’s not just the younger female generation swearing themselves off relationships, my friend defines herself as a “SOFTIE” - Single Over Fifty and Thriving In Everything.

The old image of the spinster middle-aged women as a lonely cat lady in a cardi, has been smashed.

In midlife sisters are doing it for themselves, embracing singledom, female friendships and personal growth.

“It’s difficult for boys, isn’t it?” I asked my son, “the old courtship rules have been ripped up, there’s been a dating apocalypse, the end of romance as we know it, RIP!”

“Is that an acronym for Reclaiming Individual Power?” he asked.

“No, Rest in Peace, but I like what you did there, in that context RIP could also mean, Revelling In Privacy, Refusing Inequality Permanently, Rejecting Irritating Partners …”

“Ok Mum, chill, I get the picture,” said son.

I got a bit carried away thinking of the exciting new world for young women, to live life on their terms free of compromise, not to mention judgements from smug marrieds, who saw singledom as a failure. Not marrying until my late thirties, I remember those attitudes well.

I’m a Tradwife (traditional wife) and though I followed my heart and was led by the blueprints of my generation, which encouraged women to find a partner and have a family, part of me feels awe and admiration for those rejecting traditional female roles.

Research shows that the happiest people are married men and single women.

Traditional views linked women's happiness to domestic roles, but current trends show women find greater fulfilment outside of caretaking.

Who could blame women for building their lives around themselves?

Historically it was believed that women should be seen and not heard. Although these ideas are tied to Victorian values, has society fully moved past them?

Look at recent developments making headlines regarding men in powerful circles and their blatant disregard for young women.

The trend is to protect these men’s reputations and to silence the girls involved, rather than make these men accountable.

From the boy sober trend to the SOFTIES, women are choosing to prioritize self-preservation and inner peace in a world where, in its highest circles, many still hold the opinion, as Groucho Marx put it, that “women should be obscene and not heard.”