Jackie McGregor: What’s up Doc? Close encounter with GP triggers daring heist
“Gosh, I certainly hadn’t expected this today,” I thought, as the handsome young man gently lowered me back.
“Keep looking into my eyes,” he said, as my upper half lay off the bed with my head and neck cradled in his safe hands.
He was wearing a mask. His stare was unsettling; I realised I hadn’t made this much eye contact with anyone since the introduction of mobile phones.
“How do you feel?” he probed, our gazes locked intensely.
“Like Batman,” I replied unhelpfully from my upside-down position.
“Are you experiencing any dizziness?” he asked.
“Nope,” I replied.
“Now, the same on the opposite,” he instructed, and repeated the process on my left-hand side, retaining a secure hold on my nape and crown. I concentrated hard on not breaking my gaze, as he continued performing the Dix-Hallpike manoeuvre on me.
I was in the doctor’s surgery. I’ve been swaying around and feeling very off balance lately. He was giving me a vertigo test, watching my eyes intently for any involuntary movement, whilst hanging my head and shoulders off the bed.
I couldn’t believe I’d gotten an appointment. I was getting the gold star treatment; he was very thorough.
All was well until he helped me sit back up on the surgical trolley, and I heard him grunt, like he’d just hauled a sack of coal off a lorry. He gave the arch of his back a surreptitious rub.
In that moment I knew it was time to take action.
I’m no stranger to a fish supper, and I’d put so much weight on over 2025, that I was causing this young doc to groan and practically slip a disc hoisting me up.
Mortified, I weaved my way unsteadily back home, looking like I’d been on the sherry and cleared my cupboards of naughty snacks.
Next day, I stocked up on wholesome foods and launched into healthy eating in gung-ho style.
I started well, then I hit day 3 and all hell broke loose. I needed something sweet. I searched all the cupboards, then searched them again. I’d hit the danger zone.
Day 3-5 are statistically the hardest period of a diet when people report the most intense cravings. It was so bad, I was forced to eat an old sticky cough sweet, found in the bottom of my handbag. Next, I demolished a tub of glace cherries - disgusting, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
Approximately 65% of adults in NI are classified as overweight (38%) or obese (27%).
The 2024-2025 health data shows that 19% of people in Northern Ireland eat four sugary snacks each day, the highest rate in the UK. This figure is nearly four times the UK national average of 5%.
High levels of sugar consumption can also lead to more intense physical symptoms during withdrawal – tell me about it!
By day 4 I was practically insane with sweet cravings. Then I spied it in the man cupboard (a food-free zone for batteries and bulbs) a Mars Bar! I had fallen upon hubby’s secret choccy stash. I devoured it, eyeballs rolling in ecstasy.
Next day I was rumbled.
“There were two Mars Bars in that cupboard, can you explain why now there’s only one?” hubby demanded.
“Simple, because I didn’t see the other one,” I confessed.