Jonny McCambridge: Signs of wear and tear while putting on my socks…it’s a pain in the neck

The trouble is, and this is an admission which it troubles me to disclose, but my feet just seem to be so far away. I am building myself up to the effort.

Finally, I inhale and exhale deeply and lift my feet upwards and move my arms and torso in a downwards fashion.

‘UUUHHHH….OOOHHHH….AHHHH….URGHHHH!!!’

My son, who is playing in the next room, hears the cries of distress and comes running to me.

‘Are you ok daddy? What’s wrong?’

‘Oh yes, I’m fine buddy. I’m just putting on my socks.’

He looks momentarily confused.

‘Do you need some help?’

‘No, no, I’m fine…but don’t be alarmed if you hear some more yells, I’ve still got the other foot to do.’

It is later in the same day and I am driving. The small rural road close to my house terminates at a give way sign where it meets the A1.

I hate this junction, leading on to one of the busiest roads in Northern Ireland. I want to travel southbound so I have to navigate my car across the two lanes of high-speed northbound traffic, onto the central reservation, and then cross the southern fast lane to get to the lane where I need to be.

My car is sitting stationary at the end of the smaller road. I notice that a number of impatient, growling vehicles are gathering behind me. I brace myself, aware of the certain discomfort which is to come. I move my head to the right. It is fine at first, but I have to rotate further to get a proper view of the coming traffic. I gasp at the sudden pain and grit my teeth.

‘UH….UH….UH….OOOOHHH…..OOWWWW!!’

There is a constant line of cars travelling along the dual carriageway at frightening speed. I hold my neck in this uncomfortable position for more than a minute before there is a sufficient gap in the flow to allow me to ease my car onto the central part of the A1.

I take a moment. The ordeal is not yet over. Now I have to look the other way. There is a crunching and cracking sound as my neck pivots in the opposite direction.

‘UUMM….EEEEKKK…AAHHH…AAHHH….URGH!!’

I have been lucky to have enjoyed remarkably good physical health throughout my life. That remains the case. If anyone was to inquire after my wellbeing, I would tell them that I am perfectly fine. What I am instead referring to in my anecdotes is low-level age-related wear and tear (and my undoubted tendency to over-dramatise it).

I recently found myself re-evaluating my relationship with pain following neck trouble. When I was younger, if a part of my body was sore, I knew that with time and treatment it would get better. The water is no longer quite so clear.

I woke up one morning recently unable to move my head from side to side. The ailment persisted for a number of days and I was forced to take pain relief and apply soothing cream. My sore neck became…well…a real pain in the neck. My wife and son marvelled at my bravery and stoicism in dealing with the adversity (or so it seemed).

Eventually, the problem calmed down to become more bearable, but it has not entirely dissipated. The turning circle that I can accomplish comfortably with my neck is more limited than it once was. I can look over my shoulder on each side if I have to, but it is uncomfortable, and it takes a bit of time to get there.

Several people have advised me about things I can do to help my neck – stretches, massages, treatments. I may explore some of these options, but I have also reconciled myself to the fact that this is the new norm. After half a century of constant use, my neck probably won’t get much better, I just have to live with it.

I am lying on the sofa late at night. I am exhausted and have the normal range of aches and pains. I decide it might be useful to compile a brief compendium of the areas of discomfort.

The pivot points of ankles, knees and hips are the primary culprits. I have always been active and have used running as my main form of adult exercise. I could not begin to calculate how many miles I have passed in pounding the pavements while jogging. While my joints may be sore now, I shudder to think what their state will be in 20 years.

I move on to my back. As ever, when I lie or sit, I have a cushion for support in the lower back. I’ve been doing this for so many years that it is automatic. When I was a very young man, I hurt my back while carrying heavy objects. While I’ve long ago stopped giving it much thought, I’m not sure I’ve ever enjoyed a day in the decades since where I didn’t have some back pain.

The survey continues up to my neck and shoulders (see above) and then my teeth, which were neglected in my youth and are now exacting their revenge by being constantly troublesome.

It is past time for bed and I have lingered longer than I should. I am building myself up to the effort of climbing the stairs and getting undressed.

I suspect I will dream tonight. I will dream of being a younger man, of being able once more, just one more time, of putting on my socks without groaning.