Peter Robinson: Happy new year for 2021 ... and here are my predictions

I am not swallowing that.

Readers know just how awful 2020 has been and alternate between hope and fear with their expectations for 2021. So instead, I am going to jump right into the fire.

I am going to do something a sensible politician would never do, and a serious writer would studiously avoid unless using a nom de plume. But then I am out of politics and nobody has ever accused me of being a serious writer.

When growing up I always enjoyed reading predictions and human prophesies of what might lie ahead. The outcome of most forecasts fell into four categories.

There were those that were of such a general nature or so universally expected to happen that calling them predictions was a bit of a stretch.

Then there would be the thoughtful deduction that with creative interpretation could later be claimed as accurate.

There would also be the stab in the dark — a forecast of such great controversy and substance it demanded a headline and fired-up the imagination. That it never transpired would of course be forgotten by the time twelve months had passed and it had been dwarfed by the greater significance of the many events that had occurred, but nobody had predicted.

Occasionally there would be a surprisingly accurate prediction, not anticipated by anyone else, though it would probably turn out to be just a very good guess.

To be clear in compiling my list I have not consulted any astronomical data or visited any seer who claims a supernatural insight into the future.

Covid has ensured I could not even consult one of the many coffee shop soothsayers and I have, for my own sanity, forever diligently distanced myself from those social media wizards who, if they were to appear in real life, would be an instant disappointment and rightly ridiculed and ignored.

One final warning and disclaimer. No-one should rush to the bookies and wager on the strength of my prediction. One thing I can confidently and correctly predict is that you will lose your money.

So, let’s start with a blindingly obvious prediction!

• In 2021 the DUP and Sinn Fein will disagree and quarrel repeatedly.

The UUP and SDLP will criticise them even though they would have done exactly the same themselves and the Alliance Party, with pious superiority, will criticise everyone for bringing political beliefs into the assembly.

• In the United States President Biden will be inaugurated, politics will become duller, he will visit Ireland, have a pint of Guinness in a local pub, find a string of distant relatives and everyone will pretend not to fall asleep. 

Outgoing President Donald Trump will pardon himself, start up his own TV show, begin his campaign to be re-elected in 2024 and gracefully admit he lost the 2020 presidential election (only the last part is a joke).

• Boris Johnson will remain as prime minister and will present England’s early exit from football’s European Championship as demonstrating the country’s newfound freedom and a return to sovereignty!

• Stephen Nolan will continue to present the biggest show in the country but in a moment of uncharacteristic carelessness he will allow a unionist politician to actually answer one of his questions. 

As a result, he will be sacked by the BBC for violating the BBC’s secret Northern Ireland broadcasting code.

• Business life will resume and Zoom meeting attendees will lose the excuse of poor internet connection to leave meetings early.

• Social media’s epidemiological experts will discover they can commentate on every other topical issue with the same degree of skill and precision. 

• Jeremy Corbyn will be a contestant on Strictly Come Dancing though he will make an early exit due to his inability to move to the right as well as the left.

• In Scottish football, Rangers will end their decade long title blight and Nicola Sturgeon will use it as yet another example of why there must be a second independence referendum less than a generation after the SNP lost the last one.

• Naturally, José Mourinho and Spurs will win the FA Cup, though due to VAR this may not be confirmed until 2022.

• Sammy Wilson will start wearing a face mask as soon as everyone else stops wearing them.

• My key prediction, and I am pushing the boat out here, as the 2021 Zombie Apocalypse prediction has already been taken, I will have to settle for a prediction that the UK will hugely benefit from leaving the EU and Remainers will publicly admit they got it horribly wrong.

• Finally, the editor will advise me to stay off the Sherry trifle during this period next year.

I will, before parting, share some wise words from my daily devotional.

“Sandwiched between January 1 and December 31 are twelve exciting yet unlived months of opportunities. Challenges brought on by changes await us. We will be shoved out of our comfort zones and required to respond. We can do so positively or negatively, with optimism or with pessimism. Even the familiar we have gotten used to is in for some changes, forcing us to leave our ‘spot’ and accept new surroundings. If you’re not careful, you’ll be so preoccupied with complaining, you’ll miss your golden moment to grow a little ... to make some new discoveries ... to switch from being a passive sitter on the side-lines to becoming an active participant in the adventure beyond the familiar. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Grow strong in grace and gratitude.”

Happy New Year everyone.

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