Samuel Morrison: The wit behind the rejection we candidates can get on the doorstep

​The posters have been up for weeks. The postal literature has all (hopefully) arrived. The knuckles have developed calluses from all the door knocking - unless one has followed the advice of sage old hands at the game of electioneering like my late colleague councillor Jack McKee who pointed out to me that you can save your knuckle by using a car key to rap doors.

There has probably never been a candidate in the history of elections who hasn't sought to tell everyone about the great reception they have had on the doors. Among the many facts which such glib comments ignore is that "No canvassers" signs are one of the most common sights now if one takes time to observe what is actually on individual doors.

One of the things I have also observed at many doors during this election is the tendency of folk to leave Christmas themed door mats out all year long. I suppose it is no bad thing to be reminded of the season of goodwill while engaged in the - by definition - devisive activity of electioneering.

Other doormats which have caused me to smile during this year's campaign include:

"Doorbell broken. Yell ding dong really loudly!", "Do you live here? No? Bye!" and "Before you ask, no I won't turn the music down".

While of course one will encounter "Beware of the dog" notices, Ulster's homes also display more memorable signs. Among those which I have encountered this year are: "No cold callers. We are too broke to buy anything. We know who we are voting for. We have found Jesus. Seriously, unless you have cookies please go away!", "Beware of the dogs. Survivors will be prosecuted", "Beware - Noisey Family" (I need one of those for our house), "Never mind the dog. Beware of the owner" and "No cold callers - too socially awkward".

I also met a very grumpy looking gnome carrying a sign which told visitors to "Go away!".

In spite of the sentiments these signs convey invariably one finds that people behind the doors are welcoming and often show an appreciation of the effort a candidate has made to get to their door (note - the experience of other parties varried but then I would say that wouldn't I?).

Of course, one needs to keep in mind that in many places regardless of how welcoming people may appear on the doors in many places turnout today will be barely 50% or even less.

Regardless of what you think of the candidates standing in your area that's a shame.

I respect the choice that some make to not vote for any of the candidates on offer. If that is yours I would ask you to reconsider. If however, after careful consideration, you cannot muster the will to vote for anyone in your area do go to the polling station and write why you feel like that on your ballot paper. All the candidates read the spoiled ballot papers so you can be sure that your ballot will not only be counted (spoiled ballots are included in turnout figures) but it will elicit more interest than most other ballots and as long as you are creative people will remember it.

In 2009 I was at the European election count. Over half a million ballot papers were at that count but I only remember one of the spoiled ones. It had the number 42 written beside each of the candidates. Those round the table look at each other in befuddlement but when I caught the Green candidate Steven Agnew's eye I immediately knew that both of us knew that the voter had given us the answer to life, the universe and everything (the uninitiated should check Douglas Adams's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to find out what that voter was getting at).

Your ballot paper is precious and if you feel no one is worthy of it tell them all as much or at least give us something to talk about at the count.