Jackie McGregor: Miss Havisham cowers in dread - who the Dickens is at the door?
I lay star-fished against the wall, hyperventilating. I was alone in the house. Someone was at the door. There was no way I was entertaining anyone in this get-up!
Unexpected callers always inexplicably fill me with dread. It was worse on this occasion as I was wearing a ball gown style wedding dress, complete with tiara and veil. I stood very still as my overactive imagination began to run riot. What if it was the police, moving everyone out of the area because of a security alert or a gas leak! I had visions of myself sitting in the local church hall channelling Miss Havisham, as news TV cameras zoomed in on me.
I had been putting items into the loft and came across my wedding dress. I decided to try it on for old time’s safe, I wish I hadn’t, it was far too small. The sight of me bursting out of the gown, was incredibly depressing. Thankfully, my uninvited caller finally gave up and went away.
Even when clothed in suitable attire, I feel uneasy when anyone raps on my door. I know it’s not going to be someone I want to see. I don’t like unexpected intrusions, but I fear not answering, in case it’s one of my many online shopping deliveries.
It’s usually charity canvassers trying to get me to arrange a direct debit. As noble as their cause is, I have no wish to discuss this on my doorstep. I support the Alzheimer’s Society and didn’t need to be doorstepped to do so. I’ve thought of getting a ‘no cold callers’ sticker, but wondered if that would make me look vulnerable?
Other uninvited door rappers have included political canvassers, religious groups, people offering to clean my bins, gut my gutters, or titivate my garden. Yesterday, I opened the door to a Southern Irish gent.
“Now Missus, how would you like power washed for £175?” he queried. He continued his uninterruptible spiel after I’d politely declined several times. I had to resort to closing the door in his face. This made me feel uncomfortable enough to consider getting a doorbell camera to allow me to vet callers. These devices are used by over 100,000 people in the UK, which proves how much we value our privacy.
Today’s caller-at-the-door scenario isn’t the same as yesteryear’s. These days the majority don’t want to have people turn up on their doorstep, nor do they want visitors dropping by unannounced, most prefer advanced warning of company.
I once had an elderly neighbour who lived alone. She would put her coat on before answering the door. If it was a welcome visitor, she told them she’d just come in, if they were unwelcome, she’d claim she was just on her way out. Genius!
When I was growing up, uninvited visitors were treated like royalty in our house. My mum was always visitor ready. She kept posh biscuits especially for unexpected guests, which we weren’t allowed to touch. The best china cups would come out, crustless sandwiches would appear. Mum was the perfect hostess. She had the knack of making people feel at home, even when she wished they were!