Jackie McGregor: Slipping into something a little less comfortable for my delivery man
“I need a photo,” said the parcel delivery guy. “Certainly, where do you want me?” I asked, as I struck a model-like pose against the door frame.
He threw the parcels at my feet, “No faces” he said, snapping a shot of my tootsies.
“You’re welcome, Mr DeMille,” I muttered as I swept the parcels up and made off with my booty.
The contents are usually a surprise. As a self-confessed shopaholic, I order so many parcels that I forget what’s winging its way to me. This consignment consisted of a large, psychedelic patterned jug and some battery operated candles, basically, essentials. The second parcel contained a new nightie, it was black, alluring, yet respectable in the event of a fire.
As I unpacked, the courier emailed me the proof of delivery photo, I winced, my white sock/purple Crocs footwear combination in the shot was deeply unattractive.
It was evident that I required glamorous, photogenic, slippers specifically for parcel receiving duties and delivery snaps. Excitement mounted, this required more shopping, I got on the case immediately. Happy with my online purchasing spree, I grabbed a cuppa and settled down for a quick fix of social media dramatic delivery tales.
I’ve been lucky with my courier drivers, they’ve been efficient, apart from one incident when I ordered a watch and didn’t receive it. They claimed it was delivered, but I received no photographic evidence to prove it. Following days of Columbo- style investigations, I finally discovered it had been inexplicably delivered into the bottom of my blue bin!
The delivery person must have been a Ninja, because no one gets past me when I’m on parcel watch. I don’t know why he put it there as I was home and expecting him, nor had I designated the bin as my safe place for parcel drop-offs.
The UK’s delivery industry has rapidly grown over the last decade, the pandemic had a significant impact, with the demand for home deliveries rising during lockdown.
In a recent poll, DPD topped the best courier delivery company in the UK toppling Amazon, who were voted best last year. Others were not rated so highly, hence my regular dip into a social media page which discusses delivery tales of woe, it’s a Facebook group with 70,000 members who share their parcel-related complaints involving a courier company who shall remain nameless. It doesn’t offer advice it’s otherwise known as a rant-site, for people to let off steam. I’m purely a voyeur. People post doorbell camera footage of delivery antics and share their parcel-related traumas, it delivers more drama than an episode of EastEnders!
As the delivery industry expands, technology is set to take parcel distribution into a new era with the use of drones, artificial intelligence and autonomous vehicles. In the meantime, my new more attractive but less comfy slippers have arrived for parcel receiving duties!
They’re fluffy mules and will add a touch of Old Hollywood glam to my proof of delivery feet/parcel shots. I’ve named them my Norma Desmonds, I shall leave them by the door, ready for my close-ups.