Jackie McGregor: Targeted and seduced! Swapping sexy for the allure of velour

No, I beheld a vision much more seductive in a mail order catalogue, it was a pair of velour, bootee style slippers with faux fur trim. They boasted memory foam insole, Velcro fastening for easy access, and anti-slip rubber sole. They screamed comfort, I fantasised about my plantar fasciitis riddled feet being cradled in their loving embrace.

The slippers I presently wear are sexy, fluffy mules, they are a constant trip hazard, so-much-so that they have come to be affectionately known in our house as, ‘the slippers of death’, but these, naughty little, velour numbers looked comfy and … old! I refused to succumb to footwear that screamed, ‘granny!’. I turned the page only to be accosted by a velour leisure suit, with elasticated waist trousers and zip front jacket with embroidery detail. I found myself almost purring with delight at the thought of being encased in its warm comfortable caress, ideal for Netflix and chill evenings.

What was this catalogue of strange, senior, temptations? It had come in the mail addressed to me. A mini magazine with a man in a wax jacket and flat cap on the front, in mid guffaw. On the way to bin it, I opened it, big mistake! It was like an invisible finger had come out from within the pages and beckoned me inside to a world of sensuous comfort and practicality.

The company obtained my address when I purchased fleece-lined, elasticated-waist trousers online for my 95-year-old aunt as a Christmas gift. Subsequently, they sent this catalogue to entice me into making further purchases. Well, they can think again, I’m not in their target age market, I huffed! Yet, hang on a minute, that fleece zip-up dressing gown looked practical and surprisingly alluring, yet respectable in the event of a fire.

I thought the days of the printed catalogue were over, but they are making a re-emergence to use alongside digital marketing. A Harvard Business Review study shows that many people use them as shopping guides and then complete purchases online. Customers who receive catalogues spend 15 percent more than those who don’t. Printed catalogues offer a tactile experience. Direct mail isn’t easily overlooked, unlike digital ads it can’t be blocked, it must be physically handled, increasing the chances that a customer will engage with it, which I had. I was mesmerised by this cornucopia of items I didn’t I know I wanted in a catalogue for seniors, reflecting my new status as a mature shopper.

Curses, I never would have found myself falling beneath the spell of the intoxicatingly comfortable looking bootee slipper, had it not been for those pesky marketing people targeting me through the post. Before I knew it, I’d made a purchase, aware that my glamorous but lethal, ‘slippers of death’, would soon be just a memory. Once I swapped fashion for comfort, there’d be no turning back.

So, reader beware, if you’re targeted by these catalogues of seductive senior temptations, peruse at your peril, the allure of velour is hard to resist. It’s too late for me, save yourselves!