‘I was followed by a man who threatened to rape me’

The recent murder of Sarah Everard, 33, has led many to speak out about an endemic culture of harassment, abuse and violence against women with some choosing to share their own experiences to highlight how frequently it occurs and how rarely they are taken seriously.

Nearly all my female friends have stories to tell of how they have been subjected to sexual harassment of some form, from incidents that happened when they were very young, even children, to those happening still, as women in their 40s, 50s, 60s.

These are my experiences - yes, plural, ‘experiences’, because when it comes to sexual harassment, one-offs are sadly uncommon.

One evening during in my final year at Queen’s University in 1993, I was walking home from the library to my student accommodation, just a quarter of a mile away, when a man pulled up beside me in a car.

The stranger rolled down the passenger side window and said, very calmly and very distinctly, ‘I am going to rape you’.

It was 8pm, the street was deserted, but I wasn’t far from home. I kept my head down, didn’t look in his direction and walked as fast as I could, my heart thumping, my legs like jelly. I was petrified.

It was the era before mobile phones and we didn’t even have a landline in the house, so I knew I couldn’t call the police. I also knew that none of my house mates were at home and that I’d be there all night on my own.

As I walked, the seconds felt like hours, the car crept along beside me, and every so often he would repeat his threat, ‘I am going to rape you. Right now, I am going to rape you’.

It was the most sickening, scary experience of my life. I thought at any moment he would jump from the car, grab me and carry out his threat.

Eventually I reached my house, fumbled with the keys and got in. The man stopped outside and just stared at the house. From behind curtains, I watched him watching. After 30 minutes or so, he left, but I didn’t feel relief. I thought he could come back at any time and break in. I stayed awake all night locked in my room.

In the morning, I made it to a phone box and called the police to report him. At the time I was told there was nothing they could do because he hadn’t committed an offence. I was flabbergasted. They took a description of the car and the man, but I heard nothing more.

Sadly, this was not to be an isolated experience. On another occasion walking home from work, a man walked passed me and put his hand up the back of my skirt. I was so stunned I couldn’t say or do anything. This happened in broad daylight on a busy road.

After my first experience with the authorities, I felt there was no point telling the police. It all happened so quickly, I didn’t get a good look at the man, and I’m not sure anyone else had noticed.

There have been other incidents, where men thought it was perfectly acceptable to scare me. I have been followed in a park whilst walking my dog - a big, tattooed man, blocking my path, leering, sensing my fear, enjoying his game of cat and mouse.

Female friends have their own frightening stories too. One was raped on her doorstep as she put her key in the lock. Another was groped whilst walking in a busy park, others have been molested in bars or had men expose themselves in front of them.

I’m sure men could tell stories of how they too have been in threatening situations, but I would wager it happens much less frequently; ‘casual’ harassment of women is commonplace, so much so, we have almost come to accept it as ‘normal’.

So, what should women do? Hide indoors? Never go out? These days there are certain places I would never walk alone. Even, where somewhere is perceived as safe, I am hyper-vigilant. I do not have earplugs in just in case. If I am alone and a man walks behind me, I feel on edge. It makes me angry that I can’t enjoy carefree walks.

Whilst we may be conditioned to normalise the constant threat of male violence, the impact of regularly feeling unsafe is unsettling and downright unfair.

I believe the solution begins and ends with men. It’s not about men-bashing, but we need to call out and prosecute those who do not treat women appropriately and educate others on how to avoid making women feel unsafe. We need to do this for ourselves, for our friends, for our daughters.

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Alistair Bushe

Editor