‘I was fostered as a child, now I also foster. It has enriched our family life’

Foster child, turned foster carer, Jeny Murray, 33, is urging other people in Northern Ireland to step forward and provide a loving, nurturing home for a looked after child.

“Bringing a smile to the faces of our two foster sons – seven year old Peter* and 11 year old Brendan* - and seeing them forget their woes and have fun with our six-year-old daughter Laura* and eight-year old son Riley*, is all the reward we need,” said Jenny.

“It’s truly enriched our family life,” said Jenny, who lives in Belfast with her husband Jonny, 34.

After a challenging childhood, Jenny was unable to stay with her birth family, and entered the care system aged eight and after a few short-term placements, found her forever home.

“It was great to feel settled,” she said.

“I stayed with my foster parents until I was 20 and when their birth children flew the nest, I helped care for the new foster children that joined them.

“I call them ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ - my children call then ‘grandma’ and ‘grandpa’. They live just up the road from us, and still foster.

“I first met my husband Jonny at my 17th birthday party, hosted by my friend.

“He was a gate crasher that I kicked out. I met him again when I moved school. I danced with him and took a photo – he has beautiful blue eyes. He asked my friend for my number – the rest is history. We married in 2012 and in 2013 had the first of our two wonderful children.”

Jenny added: “One day, when Jonny and I were away on a weekend break with my mum and dad, we talked about the shortage in foster carers.

“They had just taken on a wee boy as an emergency placement and I remember thinking – we’re parenting two young children - school runs, play dates and activities are already part of our lifestyle – and we have a lot to offer to a child that needs a home, stability, and a family.

“The time was right, so I did it, I made the call. We haven’t looked back.

“Our first foster child Tom was a short term placement – we gave him a home whilst the foster carer who had agreed to look after him was on holiday – a holiday that she had booked prior to confirming that she would take him.

“He was dropped off with a list of rather negative instructions written in frustration in red pen by his previous foster carer.

“I put it away in my top draw and formed my own opinions. He was nervous, but funny and lovable with a few behaviour issues.

“I thought carefully about how best to manage these issues and discovered rewards worked well.

“He agreed that he would get dressed and eat his breakfast before school if he could play on the PlayStation when he got home.

“At school he hit a child that took his computer off him in golden time. I didn’t want to penalise him by saying ‘don’t do that’ and instead asked him what he thought he could have done instead.

“At the end of the month he was awarded a ‘pupil of the month’ certificate.

“School had become a good positive place. We learnt from him and ourselves how important it is to listen to the child.”

Jenny added: “The tight knit community of foster carers that surrounds us, and the practical and social support provided by our foster agency Kindercare NI, part of the National Fostering Group - are brilliant – we never feel alone. Social hubs, out of hours support, lunches, fun days out, achievement awards for the foster children - the list goes on!

“We can whole heartedly say we would not change our family dynamic for the world.

“We love being able to offer love, fun, structure and stability, to a child who needs it, for however long they need it.

“And yes our home is extra busy and usually messy, but full of love and memories. I know from personal experience how important it is to have a care free happy childhood. You, like us, could change a child’s life. Please make that call.”

The latest statistics from Fostering Network show that Northern Ireland needs 265 more fostering families.

Kathleen Toner, director of The Fostering Network in Northern Ireland, said:”Foster carers across Northern Ireland go above and beyond for all children in their care, but we need more people across all communities to ensure children don’t have to change schools or move far away from their friends and siblings.

“We urgently need more foster carers across every community in Northern Ireland. You can become a foster carer regardless of age, economic situation, gender, sexual orientation or relationship status.

“If you have ever thought about fostering I would urge you to pick up the phone and start your fostering journey.’

If you would like to make a real difference to the lives of vulnerable children and young people in your local community by becoming a foster carer, visit www.kindercareni.co.uk.