NI woman Lisa Duffy on why she decided to become a humanist wedding celebrant after having her own humanist wedding

Lisa, who grew up in Magherafelt, but now lives in in Moy, Co Tyrone, with her husband Daniel and two young boys, had her own humanist wedding ceremony in Dublin eight years ago.

She said: “Back in 2016 Humanist weddings were not legal in Northern Ireland so my husband and I brought the whole gang down to Smock Alley Theatre in Dublin for the weekend enabling us to have the legal humanist ceremony we knew was right for us.

“While both of us were brought up in a catholic tradition and have very fond memories and respect for that background, the thing we felt stronger than anything, was the desire to be authentic and truthful in our ceremony,” said Lisa.

“For us, there was no point in standing in a church on our wedding day when we hadn’t attended a mass in some time. A humanist ceremony allowed us to honour our upbringings whilst representing exactly who we are as a couple and as individuals today. There is no other ceremony that can fulfil that in such a personalised way.”

She added: “With most of guests more familiar with a church wedding, I have to say we were a wee bit nervous about the feedback. We shouldn’t have worried as we received the best response from our guests. Without exception everyone, old and young, were bowled over by the ceremony."

It was her own humanist wedding which inspired Lisa to become a humanist wedding celebrant.

“Each and every wedding, it is my privilege to craft and deliver the perfect ceremony for two people getting married and to make every single friend and family member in the room or the barn or the cliff top feel a part of something personal and unique. I absolutely love my job.

“Unlike other wedding ceremonies, a humanist celebrant will work with the couple for up to a year in advance to get to know you, in order to create a script and a ceremony that is utterly you. However, Just like a church or civil ceremony, Humanist weddings are 100 per cent legal and follow a definite structure, including readings and symbolic acts such as ‘tying the knot’, ring warming and the unity candle. So a humanist wedding really does allow for all angles to be considered and catered for.”

Lisa studied Drama at Queen’s University Belfast then went to London Academy of Music & Dramatic Art (LAMDA). While living in London and working as an actor she also went back to university to do a PGCE in Primary Education and worked as a teacher.

She has worked with most of the main theatre companies here in Northern Ireland and said she continues to dip her toe in from time to time but for the last 12 years has thrown most of her energies into building up Bright Young Things Drama School.

As an actor and theatre maker and her years of training and experience in how to gently guide the atmosphere in a room, have, she said, been a “priceless gift” when it comes to officiating weddings.

“Whether it’s the perfect punch line delivered on point or a poignant piece of your life puzzle told with truth and simplicity, I love to weave together skills of voice, body, instinct and improvisation to ensure that guests leave having heard and felt every word.

“Amidst the joy and the excitement, weddings can be full of nerves and stress for many involved, not just the couple. I have found my background in confidence building has been such a vital tool in helping couples to prepare for the vows, to calm nerves on the morning and to know when to step in a help guide a wobbly groom or a tearful mother. I often get asked to provide additional support around writing and delivering vows and I am only too happy to offer that help.”

Humanist UK is the umbrella body and ensures that all celebrants are trained to the same exacting standards.

"However what makes this network so strong and special is that whilst we are all trained the same, we are all completely unique in our style,” said Lisa.

"We are such a tight community and really work to build each other up and celebrate each other’s strengths and differences. That is why it is so important to find the celebrant that is the right match for you. It’s amazing to think that traditionally we often used to spend the majority of the time thinking about the style and content we want for the reception party and very little thought about the actual wedding itself! Thankfully that has changed a lot now as couples see how important it is to also have a ceremony that fully reflects you.”

Lisa said she loves putting the couple "front and centre and really understanding what makes them tick”.

“Some people want understated and simple, others want a party atmosphere or romance overflowing! My strength is in understanding people and what makes you unique as individuals and as a couple, so that on your special day, you can trust that you are walking towards someone who just ‘gets you’.

“Oh and a background in improvising has definitely been handy! You never know when a child might run right up to you mid flow or when a downpour might suddenly take hold during a magical handfasting moment. These are things I have no problem going along with and using them to make the moment even more special.

“When I was first training, I remember the trainer saying she always needed to stick to the script and were terrified was something didn’t go to plan. Being used to thinking on the spot and comfortable with changing things as they present in the moment has been an acting skill that I didn’t realise would become so valuable as a celebrant.”

Since that first legal humanist wedding took place in Northern Ireland in 2018, they have soared in popularity.

Lisa said: "One reason for this is that you can have a humanist wedding almost anywhere! So as couples have become more creative in their location choices, humanist weddings have grown in popularity as we can facilitate even the most usual visions.”

According to Humanist UK the price of a humanist wedding can “generally be anything between £450-£1500.” It said this is a wide range but reflects that weddings can vary tremendously.

Lisa said she often gets asked the difference between a humanist wedding and a civil ceremony and why there is some price difference.

"It is great that there are options out there and useful to be informed on them all. A civil ceremony can be wonderful – it will last approximately 20 minutes and so will concentrate on the legal aspects, usually in a council building and will be one of many ceremonies happening on the one day, so a downside is if you are late, they cannot wait for you and also you most likely will not have met the person who marries you.

“I also feel that the huge growth in the popularity of humanist weddings in Northern Ireland is reflective of a beautifully positive turn towards equality and inclusivity here.”

Lisa said being a humanist wedding celebrant “really is the most privileged job".

"I can be having the worst of mornings or a crazy busy evening only to be forklifted out and into the pure joy of a ceremony or the craic of a couple’s discovery call or the excitement of a planning meeting and all of life’s stresses melt away for that moment and I am often reminded of the song lyric, ‘the greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return’.”

Visit lisaduffyweddings.com