Two types of gin, wine and war tactics

Meaning, in the most casual sense, good craic or not so good craic. Boozers or non-boozers, you may ask? Well, not exactly, for while in a very general sense many who are open to having fun tend to enjoy a jar or two, it’s also true that many non-drinkers are superb company while far too many topers are insufferable bores.

I’m reminded of this because I have just been handed two bottles of gin - one non-alcoholic and one standard- to review. I also have one friend who is turning 50 today and likes a jar and a mutual friend who isn’t turning 50 today and doesn’t. Which bottle to bring to the party?

Well, who really wants to wake up with the deadening realisation that their best days are far behind them and a stinking hangover to boot? Let’s be merciful and bring the auld badgers a bottle of today’s first recommendation, the super-smooth, refreshing Gordon’s 0.0% Alcohol Free Gin (£14 at Tesco, £14.50 Sainsbury’s, prices may vary elsewhere). Loaded with all the best distilled botanicals and plenty of pronounced juniper berry flavours with just a hint of citrus - if I didn’t know that it wasn’t gin, well I’d probably think it was. Even better, nearly, than the real thing. Serve lightly chilled with tonic water, lemon, a garnish of mint and lots of ice. As if you didn’t know.

I’m nothing, dear tipplers, if not selfless. And even though I don’t want my old buddies waking up and feeling a mess tomorrow morning, I really think it’s only right and proper on such a momentous occasion as a landmark birthday that somebody should get properly hammered and suffer like Satan the next day. I am happy to take that bullet and my own poison of choice to drink all on my own at the party, assuming it happens - no invite just yet - is the locally-made (Crossgar) Angels Edition Shortcross Gin (£39.99, nakedwines.com). The standard bottle is available in many local wine merchants and supermarkets but this particular bottle is exclusive to Naked Wines and blends lemon myrtle and Grains of Paradise with local botanicals. Fruity and spicy aromas of orange peel, lavender, star anise and cardamom mingle most pleasingly with juniper and fresh citrus flavours. A veritable mouthful of summer in a glass!

To make the perfect gin and tonic - pack your glass with ice, give the glass a good shake, pour the gin in fairly quickly along the length of a slender spoon so that it reaches the bottom, don’t drown it in tonic and garnish with mint and a slice of lime. Of course, you hardly need me to tell you that, do you?

Now, tipplers, before you all inundate the editor with complaint calls, I haven’t forgotten that this is historically and essentially your wine column. Today’s Wine fo the Week is the bold, sleek and reassuringly complex 2019 Rastras Malbec (£7.50, M&S). This plummy, savoury and elegant Argentinian red has an opulent palate full of tangy blackberry flavours and earthy, pungent spices which are nicely balanced by firm tannins before a lingering finish with hints of oak, vanilla and lick-your lips liquorice. One for your roast lamb this Sunday.

It’s not just people, tipplers - there are also only two kinds of days, nights and - by extension - lives. The good sort and the bad. So whether it’s alcohol-rich or alcohol-free, make sure there’s plenty of craic. Upon which happy note, Russian naval forces have reportedly withdrawn from Irish fishing waters after local fishermen in Bandon, Co. Cork, went out on their boat to make angry noises and shake their fists and fishing rods at the Ruskies. The Russian captains saw their vessel and roared “A Bandon Ship” whereupon their crews all dived into the sea and were never heard of again. Allegedly. Till next week, tipplers, sante!

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