Jackie McGregor: New year, new backbone: from people-pleaser to vampire slayer
New year, old me! I’ve decided not to torture myself with abstinence and exercise, instead I’m socially detoxing by eliminating ‘Eeyores’. I began my cull some time ago. I am currently Eeyore free and resolve to never entertain another. If you’re a people-pleaser, here’s a Tigger warning, I’m about to get nasty. I have undergone a glorious people-pleasing conversion.
Do you have an Eeyore in your life, that acquaintance who seems to walk around with a permanent grey cloud over their head? They complain about everything in a monosyllabic voice, bringing you to the cusp of a boredom-induced coma. They’re the type who can brighten a room just by leaving it.
If you’ve found yourself the chosen one to receive their special kind of attention you have my deepest sympathies. They tend to latch onto jovial, people-pleaser types (Tiggers). They can smell someone with a lack of boundaries at one hundred paces. One sniff of your ‘fear of offending’ scent, signals you’ll provide them with the perfect audience for their doom-laden self-absorption.
Let’s be clear, I’m not talking about friends who go through bad times and need a little support, I’m speaking of emotional vampires, the ones who suck your very essence. Spending time with them feels draining. They feel the world is against them, they always have miserable news to impart and are interested only in your negative experiences.
Eeyores indulge in ‘competitive gloom’ – you tell them you only had two hours sleep, they say they’d kill for two hours sleep, they haven’t slept since 2009. They compete in the “Pain Olympics,” if you’ve a headache; they have a migraine. Your time and energy are spent listening and offering solutions to aid and cheer them, but you’re met with,
“Yes, but…” and an explanation of why your advice cannot work. They don’t want solutions they want an audience. The don’t desire cheer as they are humour-free and pessimistic. If appearing on Mastermind their specialist subject would be ‘Death and Illness.’
My final Eeyore cull came with someone who trauma-dumped on me for years. I received their text enquiring what I was doing? I replied that it was our 20th wedding anniversary and my son’s birthday, plus, he’d received offers from five universities, so we were all off out to celebrate.
Their response: “I think it’s going to rain here.” I found it so breathtakingly rude that I had to read it again and...yep, still rude!
Suddenly, this worm turned, my finger blocked their number! They weren’t remotely interested in my joy; I was just a sounding board for their misery. And so, my new year Eeyore detox shall continue...forever!
Life is too short and our milestones too precious to have the joy sucked out of them by those who can overlook a triple-celebration for a weather forecast. Leave these emotional vampires to their gloom-fests and rain reports. We should put our energy into the people who cheer us on, the ones who laugh with us and can laugh at themselves. Champion those who find sunshine in our successes and comedy in the chaos.
I like Groucho Marx’s advice on handling those who take themselves too seriously, he quipped: “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”