Groups of men across the province are channelling the grief of child loss in a positive way – by playing football

This Wednesday begins national Baby Loss Awareness Week (October 9 -15)

In Northern Ireland six groups of men, all of whom have experienced baby loss, have formed football groups as a way of helping deal with their grief.

In 2022, the latest date for which statistics are publicly available, there were 71 Stillbirths and 89 Infant deaths registered in Northern Ireland.

Such deaths strike at the heart of a family with parents, family and friends often ill-equipped to deal with what has happened to them.

When a baby dies the fathers or partners are often expected to be strong and supportive to those around them, with their own grief not able to be a priority.

But group of men across the province are channelling their grief in a positive way – by playing football.

Belfast, Londonderry/Derry, Antrim, Craigavon, Enniskillen and Larne each have football teams made up of men touched by the loss of a baby.

Each of the teams go under the banner of Sands United.

Sands is one of the leading national charities working towards the protection of children in pregnancy and childbirth and the support of families bereaved by the loss of a child.

Sands United football was an idea devised by a bereaved father in Northampton in 2018 and there are now more than 30 teams across the United Kingdom.

Steven Guy is the Coordinator for Sands in Northern Ireland:

“Sands United FC is for men bereaved by the loss of a baby – father, grandfathers, uncles and friends.

They meet once a week and kick a ball around. It is not about ability. They do not need to be good footballers.

The six teams we have will play each other and other teams in friendly matches to raise funds for Sands and other worthy causes.”

One of the activities of Sands is to hold support evenings for parents who have suffered a loss.

Steven says men are notoriously bad at dealing with their emotions and fathers tend to drift away from the support groups. Sands United helps combat that problem

“The football teams are a place to be with other men who know the pain of losing a baby but don’t have to express it. They just kick a ball around.

There is no sitting down to talk through the pain and grief.

That comes naturally after a few weeks with the build-up trust and friendship with their teammates. It is never forced. It is about being together and not feeling on your own,” he said.

Sands United FC ABC, (Armagh, Banbridge and Craigavon) meet once a week at Lurgan’s Oxford Sunnyside grounds.

Connor Bawn is one of the team members:

“We have people hear who have been through every type of bereavement involving the loss of a child.

We don’t necessarily talk about the loss. You can if you want to and there will always be someone who will listen, but not everybody wants to talk about their story

It’s just about giving the guys an outlet, getting them out and getting them laughing.

Our door is open to anyone.

If you have lost a child and fancy a bit of football then this is the place to come to,” he said.