Jonny McCambridge: One missed call away from Strictly Come Dancing – or another scam

Perhaps it was because I was still half-asleep that my defences were lowered.

The chirpy voice on the other end engaged me in conversation. He asked how my day was going. I told him grumpily that I didn't know yet as he had woken me up.

The caller represented an electricity company which was not my usual supplier.

His firm had an offer which meant cheaper prices and, in a touching gesture, he had decided to call me personally.

I am not sure I can rationalise the decision that I made in any other way than to explain that the easiest way of getting him off the phone seemed to be to agree.

He told me I didn't have to do anything other than sign one form and I would then be opening myself up to the exciting new world of cheaper energy prices.

I went along with it.

Some time after that I receive another phone call. This time it was from my original electricity supplier.

They told me they were aware that I had discontinued my custom. I felt guilty and shame-faced, like a child who has been caught stealing sweets.

The caller was empathetic and had felt moved to contact me to inform that I had made a terrible mistake.

The offer which had turned my head had now expired and the cheaper prices were, once again, with the original supplier.

Now I felt foolish, like a golfer who pursued the mercenary benefits of LIV only to see it all fall apart.

I wanted to bring this call to a swift conclusion so agreed to return my custom to the original supplier.

Some time after that I received another call, again from the rival company. The chirpy-voiced man had got wind of my treachery and wanted to turn my head by reading me long lists of unit prices.

I was doing homework with my son at the time, and, in truth, getting a bit fed up, so I told him to call me another time.

Which, over the ensuing months, he did. Again and again and again.

I came to recognise the number and avoided answering, fearful that I would crumble once again and end up stuck like a ping-pong ball being bounced back and forward between these two energy corporations for the rest of my life.

Outside of my family, I don’t receive many phone calls on my personal mobile (almost all of my communication is done by message, email, smoke signal or carrier pigeon), so I have a fair idea that when that phone rings it will be an unwanted call and, occasionally, of dubious origin.

The numbers are often English, but sometimes from abroad.

Usually, I don’t answer. But this leaves me in a state of uncertainty, that little nagging doubt in the back of my mind.

What if it is a genuine call? I wouldn’t want to miss that message from the producers of Strictly Come Dancing, checking on my availability for the next series (‘McCambridge didn’t answer, see if you can get The Krankies instead’).

If I do answer the caller invariably cannot pronounce my name (‘Is that Mr McCaaaambreeedge?’).

They often start by asking me to confirm a personal detail, which I refuse to do.

Sometimes they start by reassuring me that this is not a nuisance phone call.

Other times they ask me if I’ve been involved in an accident (‘not until this very moment’).

But most of the time I never let the conversation get that far, hanging up before any level of personal connection can be established.

Then they leave it half an hour, and try again.

I’ve had scam calls from Tunisia, where the caller dials your number but hangs up before you can answer.

The idea is that you see the missed call and phone back.

If you do, it costs a fortune.

Another day I answered more quickly than the caller expected and heard her saying to a colleague "I’m going to need a large drink when this day is finished” before snapping on her corporate voice as soon as she realised I was on the line.

On a couple of occasions I’ve told the caller to ‘hold the line’, left the phone beside the bed and gone off to have a bath, just to see how long they’ll hang on for.

The calls seem to come in bands. For a few weeks I’ll receive none at all and then several in a single day. I imagine my number is on a database somewhere and, quite possibly, my photo is pinned to the wall of a sweatshop somewhere, under the heading ‘Soft Touch’.

Recently I’ve noticed occasions where I’ve not answered a call from an unknown landline number, only to receive a call seconds later from a mobile.

Once, I received a call from a woman purporting to be from my bank. She said she wanted to help me improve my online banking experience by showing me how to download and access an app. Looking back now, alarm bells should have been ringing that this was an obvious scam, but I oblivious.

The woman stayed on the phone. At first, it was all good natured as she chatted about the weather and asked questions about my family.

However, the conversation became more strained as she realised my limitations in operating in the online world.

Her attempted criminal masterstroke was to lure me into telling her my PIN, online banking password and memorable information so that she would set up the account on the app on my behalf.

She probed for the information. At that moment I could recall none of it. I made a joke about why was it always so hard to remember the memorable information.

She didn't laugh. Instead she called me an 'idiot' and hung up.